reality is weirder than you think

Backwards Book Review: A Wrinkle in Time

Backwards book reviews are when I revisit a book that I’ve already read. Before I read the book, I’ll write down everything I can remember about it. Afterward, I’ll write up my thoughts and see how well my memories stacked up.

A Wrinkle in Time is one of those major books in my childhood. I was probably 11 or 12 when I first read it, and it absolutely captivated me with its rich storytelling, flights of fantasy, and yet its focus on intelligence and rationality. After Wrinkle, I read nearly every Madeline L’Engle book I could get my hands on (with the exception of A House Like a Lotus which I put down because it was too mature for me at the time) throughout middle school until I reached Walking on Water in high school. Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art remains an influential book on me to this day. The sequel to WrinkleA Wind in the Door, is possibly more influential, but that’s another matter for another day.

Let’s see what I can remember about  A Wrinkle in Time. And how much I can keep Wrinkle separate from Wind.

Wrinkle is the story of Meg Murray, her brother Charles Wallace, and I think her friend Calvin O’Keefe saving the world from what current me would identify as totalitarianism. On a stormy night, she is visited by an omen (Louise the snake) out by an old gnarled tree by a stone fence, and soon meets the three witches–Mrs Who, Which, and Whatsit–who teach the kids how to tesseract and take them on a goose chase through the universe. There is something wrong with the universe that they have to find and fix, but they don’t know what it is at first. (Honestly, that sounds to me like a heavily intuitive way to go about things, but I’ve been thinking a lot about intuition lately. It would not surprise me if MLE wrote highly intuitive books, considering her propensity to write about families of highly intelligent people.) I think the problem has something to do with their father? Maybe he’s kidnapped or something.

The witches try to take them to a 2D planet, where their 3D forms are squished and where they cannot survive. Eventually, they end up on what the current version of me would call Totalitarian Planet, where all the houses are the same and the yards are the same and the kids play the same games and even the balls bounce in unison. UGH. This is ground zero, where the wrongness is, and they find that the planet is ruled by what is basically a disembodied brain, demanding that everything on the planet bend to its rule, enforced dramatically by a rhythm. To avoid getting trapped by this, the kids sing songs and nursery rhymes in different time signatures. Somehow they save the day.

Then they end up at home, which is comforting and full of family, including their mother and the twin brothers Sandy and Dennys (I think–it was a strange name to me), with a little bit more affection for their prescient snake.

Thematically speaking, it was a story about not letting someone or something else rule your life, and I remember MLE talking in an interview about originally making the villain a disembodied heart, but that she ended up thinking that a disembodied brain would be basically more of a tyrant. I’m not sure if I agree with her, but it is true that strictness without the temperance of love or mercy is never the way to go.

The characters in the book are full of creativity and ingenuity, are committed to the truth, and are patient. I think at certain points Charles Wallace bogs them down because he’s only like 6 years old or something, but they manage to make it work without sacrificing him. The power of humanity over tyranny.

I always loved how MLE wove together an idealized New England academic family with a highly imaginative yet totally plausible fantasy elements. So many of the ideas that MLE explores seem to test the boundaries of reality, but I feel like the events in her novels–this series especially–were simply dramatized versions of what might actually be already happening in the world.

Like Jordan B Peterson takes everyday tasks and draws out their cosmic significance, MLE takes the world that we live in and heightens it to a point where you can see the spiritual battles taking place. I could tell you the battlefield for A Wind in the Door, but I’ll have to save that for my review on that book. Wrinkle escapes me, although I may have already hit on it: totalitarianism and the utter importance of free will.


We interrupt this irregularly scheduled linkspam in an attempt to publicly shame myself into actually reading all the tabs that I have open in my browser right now.




Not Reading Material

The 300th Post

It’s been 300 posts here on Batfort but there are still 85 days to go before we hit the anniversary of my one-year resolution. Publish something every day, no exceptions.

The home stretch. Don’t mess up.

I’m not really worried about messing up at this point, though. I’ve kept up daily posting through moving to a different state, starting a new job, through holidays and internet blackouts. There’s a confidence in the doing of it.

Of course, some of my posts are less good than others, but that’s to be expected as a newbie blogger who’s only just starting to crystallize what she’s about as a person, let alone an abstract online entity. Part of my personal challenge with this blog was to be imperfect in public, to make a fool of myself if necessary, and put my half-formed thoughts out there.

Maybe all this writing is part of what has helped me to crystallize as a person. I feel now, even more than just a year ago, much more sure of myself and who I am and what I think. It could be the result of successfully moving, or of being in my 30s, or of being far less stressed than I was before, but somehow I think that all this writing–as shaky as it is–has helped.

Recently I’ve implemented a morning routine that’s gone much better than my disastrous experiment with breakfast: “morning papers.” When I wake up, I attend to my toilette, but then–before I do or read anything else–I sit down and write for 20-30 minutes. Three pages, give or take. Longhand, in a journal.

It’s nice to write before I’ve ingested any media for the day because it’s easier to tell my own thoughts apart from the thoughts of people who are influential on me. There’s still the influence, to be sure, but it’s easier to see that some are there because I’ve sought them out, because I already had the seed of desire in me.

I’m talking about working for myself and making money online, for those of you who want concrete details. 😉

Then I read a chapter out of the Bible–currently the book of John–and then I go about my day. It’s a great way to start the morning, especially in my window-filled dining nook.

Anyway, one of the themes that has been coming out lately in those morning writings is my surprise and delight that this blog is getting traffic. Not much, to be sure, but now it is a rare day that my blog doesn’t get any hits, rather than when I was just starting out, when no hits was normal and a visitor was a rare occurrence.

It’s halfway through March, for instance, and already there are more hits this month than there were in February. I am grateful!

That’s you, dear reader, so thank you for coming to my unfocused little blog and giving my thoughts some of your attention.

Image of the week: Keep America Great edition

Ah, this modern life. When I sat down to eat dinner tonight, I was going to shitpost a Bernie Sanders meme that made me laugh today.

Then Andrew McCabe got fired.

I think that deserves a little symbolic victory, no?

I love this image. I love what it says about nature versus technology. I love how we can humanize the bird with a “dang drones get off my lawn.” I love how I feel like I can swoop right into the action myself.

And I kind of wonder if this photo of a drone being destroyed was itself taken by a drone.


Making a better meatloaf

100% Carnivore Meatloaf has been one of my staple foods for the last 6 months or so. A meatloaf is really convenient to make, and leftovers are easy to pack and eat at work for lunch the next morning.

In my months of practicing this recipe, I’ve learned a few things.

  • 1.5 pounds of beef works just as fine as 2.0 pounds. 2.5 pounds works just fine too. The only thing that really needs adjusting if you do this is the cooking time.
  • That said, don’t overcook this. Ground meat is never great when you overcook it. If you look in the over and can tell it’s close but not quite done (such as when there are little pools of semi-opaque juices on the top but its starting to brown around the edges), turn off the oven but let the meatloaf rest in the oven for a few minutes. This technique lets the cooking coast to a stop in a highly heated environment without overheating it.
  • Speaking of resting, I typically let my meatloaf rest out of the oven a couple minutes before I slice it. Is this strictly necessary? I have no idea.
  • THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: unless you legitimately want a “marbled” beef/pork combo, use a light touch when mixing your meat. The more you tighten your grip, the more starsystems will slip through your fingers. Seriously though, mix it gently, thinking “light and fluffy” thoughts, and you will have a much more cohesive end product even after you squish the mixture down into the pan.
  • THIS IS THE MOST USEFUL TIP: buy foodsafe prep gloves. They are the best thing ever. I just use one, mix up my meatloaf, and then I don’t have to scrub raw meat out from under my fingernails. Gamechanger.
  • If you need to switch up your meatloaf game, one easy way to do so is with different types of salt. Hawaiian red sea salt is good for a bit of variety, or smoked salt. This meatloaf is also good with a bit of butter melted on top, if you’re into that.

Overall though, this recipe is easy to make and endlessly iterable.

I highly recommend.

(But of course I wrote it. What else am I gonna say?)

Reinventing the NCT concept

I have so many thoughts about NCT 2018 Empathy. So many. Most of them are not positive, but I remain hopeful.

If you’re just joining this comeback cycle, I was not a huge fan of NCT U’s “Boss” but liked NCT Dream’s “Go” despite my dreamies being all grown up. The more I listen to “Go,” the more of a Haechan appreciator I’m become. His voice is gorgeous and he uses it impeccably. (“Boss” is growing on me, ngl. Listening to it on headphones is like suddenly going underwater and seeing all the coral reefs and fishes when previously you were just been dog paddling above the surface.)

However, that brings us to NCT 127 and “Touch.” Writing about it means that I should post the music video on my channel and for that I hate myself a little bit.

This video makes me cringe.

It’s clear that Dream and 127 swapped concepts for this comeback, with Dream taking the hard-edged grotty urban-inflected hip-hop sound, and 127 covering the squeaky-clean brightly lit bubblegum pop arena. However, unlike Dream’s previous singles (even “Chewing Gum”), “Touch” doesn’t have a twist, or a nudge-and-wink, or a naughty streak. It’s just plain, simple bright smiles and boyfriend material.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that–there certainly isn’t. But it isn’t why I started listening to NCT and certainly isn’t what attracts me to k-pop.

I recognize that I’m not the typical fan (I’m older than most of their target market), because I see the younger fans clearly enjoying the visuals of all the members in this comeback. And yes, they are all very good looking. But I miss the gonzo NCT styling which even applied to Dream when they were promoting. There are no fur hats or eyeball rings and shark jackets or fantasy military jackets. Or Gucci on a hoverboard.

It’s not just the visuals that bother me, though. The actual song “Touch” is really corporate sounding, like you’d stick it into a commercial for an off-brand soda. Frankly, it sounds like a reject from EXO’s winter album that some underling producer got stuck with trying to “funk it up” for NCT.

Which brings us to the Empathy album as a whole, which someone remarked should be called NCT 2016-2018 since it contains all the assorted non-album releases since NCT debuted. “Black on Black,” all of the NCT U songs. NCT U’s “The Seventh Sense” was the first song that drew me to NCT, and if I had discovered it on an album like Empathy, I don’t know if I would have explored more. (Of course it was Dream’s “My First and My Last” that really got me. NCT Dream is secretly everybody’s favorite.)

Specifically, I dislike albums that are all single and no b-side. Even with the intro and outro, there’s no reason for me to listen to Empathy on its own. NCT has always been weak in their discography–partly because they’re still experimenting with their sound but also because they only have mini albums and don’t have a body of work built up like a band like EXO or Big Bang did. Granted, the inherent structure of NCT’s design would make it more difficult to build up a body of coherent work, because they’re built up of subunits with different themes and sounds.

Even more specifically, I’m really disappointed by the song “Yest0day.” Interesting title, not a bad hook, fantastic rap from Mark (who is really starting to hone his chops), all ruined by an idiotic rap from Lucas. One of the main reasons I like k-pop is that even when the rap is simplistic or lacking finesse it’s not dumb. I hate dumb rap where they take a word and then rhyme it five times in a row without any rhythmic variation or wordplay or anything. Mark delivers the opposite of that. So does Taeyong. But Lucas the Usurper? No more dumb rap, please.

Now. Granted. Part of this sounds like the knee-jerk reaction of someone who is protective of a fledgling k-pop group. And that is true, I like NCT and being a person high in openness, I like the idea of an ever-expanding group that can shift to accommodate different musical styles and moods.

But it’s hard to watch SM deliberately crash the original NCT concept. One of the benefits of doing it now is that I know that I won’t have to watch it happen in slow motion, when producers run out of ideas and the concepts all start to morph slowly into each other and enough members leave that all the subunits are consolidated to keep the group alive. At least we don’t have that future.

Maybe (hah) this means that we can get more clarity out of future NCT subunits, who will emerge to deposit a well-conceived package of music into our earballs before evaporating back into the nebulous NCT mothership. (Isn’t that what the concept was supposed to be anyway?)

I suspect that the deliberate switching of Dream and 127’s concepts, plus the cataloging of U’s random singles into one album, serves as a zeroing-out for the group. I think this is supposed to be a new start, a time for all the subunits to develop empathy for each other’s concepts and learn how to work together or whatever. However they promote from this point forward, it won’t be the NCT that we started with.

On the plus side, SM is always A/B testing, so I’m hoping we’ll get something stronger out of this. The concepts for both Super Junior and EXO crashed too, and both groups did alright for themselves.


PS: SM Entertainment, this is my request for an official Mark/Haechan subunit.

One of those days

It’s always hard to go back to real life after “one of those days.”

Or if we want to get really twisty about it, I always seem to have “one of those days” after having “one of those days.”

Or if we want to get concrete but cryptic, I really should add “being outside” to my list of my ideal work environment. Not doing outdoor work, per se, but just being outside. A porch is fine, no need to get fancy about it.

What really happened is this: over the weekend my car broke down while I was on a trip for the weekend. As such, I couldn’t get back to work on Monday, but instead spent a bunch of time cleaning said car and arranging for repairs and talking with my brother about various things. The weather just so happened to be freeking gorgeous, as well, so I spent some quality time in the sunshine.

After days like these, days when I can taste freedom, coming back to reality oops there goes gravity* is absolutely excruciating.

Workplace politics. Beige boxes. Pointless meetings. Staring at a computer screen all day, and a computer screen that has to be somewhat professional which means that photos of k-pop groups or stupid memes are OUT as desktop backgrounds and even an Edward Gorey illustration is probably verging on too edgy.

I want to do work with the option of going outside, with the option of wearing shorts, with the option of blasting music as loud as I want to.

This is motivation. This is what I want to run toward, and leave the office life behind. This is where I want to steer my life, toward sunlight and freedom and the terrible arbitrary choices that we must make in the world when we aren’t beholden to a cultural superstructure.

Those days remind me how much I don’t get out of these days. I am capable of more and I will do more.

We’ve all heard that story a million times, but the good thing about stories is that they never run out and everybody’s got one.


*I really shouldn’t quote Eminem in the current year but sometimes I can’t help myself.

Toward a mission statement

(Iterative draft of a mission statement, of sorts.)

I believe in free will, creative achievement, the utter importance of truth, and making everything fun.

Free will–the ability to choose–is instrumental to our ability to see clearly in this world and guide our own steps. Determinism is for animals; human beings have the capacity to learn, to make judgements, and to choose.

Creative achievement is one of the applied effects of our free will. As fashioned in the image of our Creator, mankind also longs to create things that have never before existed in this universe. Be it merely scraping together an omelette, or something as magnificent as painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, human beings are are at their best when creating.

Truth, reality prime, honesty, the real world, it will always exist. No matter how much we dissemble and hide, the Truth endures, sure as gravity. Sometimes I like to say that the Truth will smack us in the face if we try to avoid it too long. The more that we know and understand the Truth, the easier it becomes to see in the darkness of this world and to navigate successfully.

And then there’s fun. What is that statement? “Only boring people are bored.” Just like it can be fun (for me) to connect to completely disparate ideas, making something drudgerous into something fun is a challenge–and one that is well worth doing. Nobody said we have to be serious about telling the truth.

Red Velvet Appreciation Post: Body Talk

I don’t think I’ve talked about Red Velvet on this particular blog. Red Velvet has a special place in my heart.

One of the fun side-along problems with my autoimmune problems has been a propensity to depression and melancholy. I don’t think I’ll ever shake my love of melancholy, but after cleaning up my diet, I no longer get depressed or on a melancholy streak or “coffee depression” like I once did.

I know this, because I’ve started listening to much happier music. Namely, k-pop. Red Velvet was one of the groups that clued me into this, because in the past I never would have been able to listen to “pop” music for a long period of time without it grating on my nerves for going against whatever (bad) mood I was in.

Now, Red Velvet is a very R&B-inflected pop group who doesn’t shy away from dark themes and minor keys, so it’s pop that is very much in line with my melancholy tendencies. It’s just way happier overall.

So when I realized that I was listening to almost nothing but k-pop, I realized that on the whole I was in a much better mood, and had been for a few months. I realized this while listening to Red Velvet’s “Ice Cream Cake,” which is still one of my favorites.

Specifically about Body Talk, tho

“Body Talk” is one of my favorite b-sides from Red Velvet. (For those of you new to k-pop, a b-side is basically any song published by a group that’s not a title track–the ones with the music videos that are used for promotion.) It’s a fantastic example of the RV girls doing their best R&B-inflected singing, and I am particularly fond of atmospheric, orchestral pop arrangements. The harmonies are lush and the chord progression is really interesting. As with most k-pop I listen to, it’s better with headphones.

I also really like how it reminds me of those late-80s fantasy movies with the synth-heavy theme songs.

Decisions (or is it Lemons?)

Life…the Universe…the uber-involved calvinist God….however you choose to define such things….that entity certainly has an odd sense of humor.

Yesterday morning, I made my very last student loan payment (yes!).

That very night, my car broke down while I was driving it. (no!).

I had been contemplating splurging/investing in an online business course, to help give me a framework for developing where Batfort should go next and to help build up an alternate income stream (my next goal).

But now, I find myself in a position where I must pay an unknown amount of money for car repairs. Unknown car repairs. It’s a total mystery at this point.

Do I still invest in the course, knowing that I may have to dip into my savings for car repairs? Do I skip it and wait until the next cycle? (Is there a better business course out there?)

Why is it that just when I get my feet under me, that something else goes wrong? The cycle of life is impossible to ignore.

I think I’m going to skip the course for now and focus on car repair, my stupid tooth surgery and working out what I actually want to do with my life and this blog and everything.

Seems like a sensible plan…for now.

But I sense that the time for sensible (for me, at least) is growing shorter.

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