Dear Supreme Leader:

Effective immediately, I am resigning from my position in your illustrious department. While I am grateful that you hired me, and have grown tremendously in your employ (and to your service), it is time for me to move on.

You see, in my personal hours I have been madly cultivating my love of words and writing and have grown up a [consulting service / editing gig / bestselling novel series, whichever comes first] that is now demanding my full-time attention. This is a somewhat unexpected, but not unwelcome, turn of events and I am compelled to pursue it.

Yes, this is a huge change of life. Yes, it may all come crashing down around my years. But also yes, I must go.

Of course you can trust that I will work to help hire and train my replacement, but let’s get real, academic timing is so slow that I’ll be long gone before HR can approve the position. As such, I’ll make sure that my records are in order and will leave you with a tidy list of my responsibilities that you can divvy out as you see fit.

It has been a pleasure working with you, and I wish you and the team every blessing in the future.

Sincerely,

Me

PS. I voted for Trump.