Batfort

Style reveals substance

Category: Book of Hours (page 1 of 3)

Warmups

I like the idea of warming up. Maybe because the idea of dropping straight out of sleep into a packed day is a bit bewildering. Maybe because I grew up doing ballet, where half the ballet class is warming up, practicing essential movements.

We can apply the idea of warmups to many domains. Getting your blood moving and stretching out muscles before taxing one’s body physically. Reading a psalm before composing a prayer of one’s own. Journalling “known” thoughts & feelings before writing to explore something new; or externally, rehearsing a speech to oneself before giving it to others. Vocal warmups. Math problems. Logic and geometry.

School stuff. Because the stuff we learn about in school—the “essential movements” of life—are only as good as what we apply them to later in life.

The danger, as always, is that we forget that the “essential movements” are to be put into motion—brought to life—in the dance. We practice so we can perform. Or more accurately, participate.

We do not practice for practicing’s sake. That way lies recursion and futility and frustration.

I have come to believe that this life is a warmup, in a way. Our time on earth is a chance to practice the “essential movements” of living, of choosing the Good, the Beautiful, and the True—so that we, too, can join the dance.

Hospitality

I will never get over the fact that doing dishes takes, like, 5 minutes.

My brain is still filled with a conception of time that is based on being sick. When you’re sick, and have zero energy, basic tasks take F O R E V E R.

When just stacking the dishes and filling the sink with water makes you tired, household chores become herculean tasks.

When you have to marshall every fiber of your being to accomplish a task, that task takes up so much time and mental energy.

Clock-time may be constant, but our personal orientation to time can change.

Unlearning my old conceptions of time has been part of my healing journey, and will continue to be a challenge moving forward.

Old limits don’t apply to new me.


On Tuesday evenings, I sometimes host a group of ladies in my home. As part of our commitment to each other through the church, we carve out dedicated time to come together to talk about things that are on our hearts.

The space that we create together isn’t just my living room, but a loosely-but-tightly knit weaving of intentionality.

Space to share, and be vulnerable. We are each heard, prayed over, and sometimes given advice.

This is time to rest, and recover. It’s time to process, time to grieve, time to celebrate.

We carve out this space, and this time, for each other.

I try to make my living space a welcoming place. Plants, soft lighting, beautiful textiles.

But really, what makes the space is the people.

And the love we have for each other.


One thing that I love about being part of the Christian family is that no matter how much or how little you know someone, you always have something in common.

The trust you can feel—almost palpably—shaves months off the ‘getting to know you’ process. For me, at least.

Hospitality isn’t simply a sparkling service experience, or a well-manicured home. It’s the time, and the support, and an open environment created by people gathered for a purpose.

Good Friday, full of Joy

“O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 15:55-57 ESV

Hours, 2019 edit

I did a post on the Hours a while back. Now I’m curious to see how my day stacks up. 

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Matins: The wee hours

Sleep.

Lauds: Dawn

I look up from my desk, take a sip of my coffee, and look out through my eastward kitchen windows at the dawn. It’s been cloudy this weekend, so the light is dimmer and not as spectacular. Still, the rising of the sun is always a beautiful thing. Lately I’ve been rising at 5:45 am to write, contemplate, and pray before my day begins.

Prime: Mid-morning

My original plans for today included heading to the gym shortly after my writing session, until I discovered that on weekends my gym doesn’t open until later. Instead, I used the morning to write—tomorrow’s blog post, my secret side project. At 10am, I stake out tickets for the upcoming NCT 127 concert in Vancouver, BC. Success!

Terce: Late morning

With tickets secure, it’s time to head to the gym.

Sext: Noon

Now I’m in the gym. It’s posterior chain day (my favorite), so I’m probably working on my stiff-legged deadlift or a deficit sumo squat. Today’s workout also includes fun ropework like face pulls and those ab accordion things, so I’m happy. I stop by the “sauna” afterward and am dismayed to find that throwing water on the burner is outlawed. What good is a sauna without steam?

None: Mid-afternoon

I take my laptop to a coffee shop, hoping to get some work done before meeting a friend for conversation. It’s not much, but I get some ideas fleshed out before we launch into wide-ranging conversation. Before we sat down, I ordered a full-caf Americano. This may have been a mistake.

Vespers: Sundown

I’m curled on my couch, watching Cadfael and feeling my weary muscles. Today has pushed my physical muscles, my brain muscles, and my social muscles. I am grateful to take time to rest, and grateful that I’ve begun to put in the work to make my little house a cheerful, peaceful place. My living room is glowing with the lights of paper lanterns and a salt lamp, scented with Rose Petal Ice Cream candle. (Yes, really.)

Compline: Late evening

Late evening I’ll have moved to my bed, nodding off for the night. My new early-morning ritual has dictated a much earlier bedtime for me—something I’ve never been able to accomplish through willpower. It seems the sheer joy of doing something I love in the morning is stronger than any willpower or discipline.

The inevitability of internal pushback

I started a new project this month. A challenge. Something I’ve never done before. (Something not on the blog.)

And with a new project—the new actualities that never match up to the potential in my head—comes the avalanche of negative thoughts.

When you know they’re coming, they are easier to ignore, but it’s still difficult.


From Romans 7:

What then shall we say? That the law is sin? By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet ifthe law had not said, “You shall not covet.” But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness. For apart from the law, sin lies dead. I was once alive apart from the law, but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died. 10 The very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me. 11 For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me. 12 So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good.

13 Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure. 14 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. 15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So nowit is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

21 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22 For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

Playing around with type

Last week, I bought a new typeface. In doing so, I was reminded about how frikkin’ much I love typography and letterforms and words.

Today, I needed a nonverbal break, so I played around a little bit with my new toy.

A Prayer

I don’t know how I found it, but I’ve had this prayer—attributed to Mary, Queen of Scots—in my workspace for ages. It’s a touchstone.


Keep us, Oh God, from pettiness; let us be large in thought, in word, in deed.
Let us be done with fault-finding and leave off self-seeking.
May we put away all pretense and meet each other, face to face, without self-pity and without prejudice.
May we never be hasty in judgement and always generous.
Let us take time for all things; make us to grow calm, serene, gentle.
Teach us to put in action our better impulses – straight forward and unafraid.
Grant that we may realize it is the little things of life that create difficulties; that in the big things of life we are as one.

Oh, Lord, let us not forget to be kind.

What are you giving up for Lent?

Growing up, I had no idea that the concept of Lent existed. I’d heard of it in the vague way that I’d heard of all things associated with the Catholic church, but our family never did anything of the sort.

I’m the most “liturgical” of my family, you see. I’ve willingly attended Catholic, high Episcopalian, Anglican, and Orthodox services—though I’ve never joined any of those churches.

Something raises my hackles with the contrast between the deep administrative structure and Christian Truth.

Anyway, I first observed Lent in college. I didn’t really know what I was doing, or anything about why Lent was important. Looking back, even the concept of fasting was completely foreign.

Since then, I’ve been selectively observant. Off and on. One year I used Lent as an excuse to quit eating gluten. Another year I “gave up staying up late” and imposed a bedtime.

Since reading Antifragile and learning about the importance of fasting in the body’s healing, I feel like I understand the intent of the Lenten season a lot more now.

I’m not ready to do a prolonged fast from food, but I am looking forward to a period of renewed spiritual searching.

This year, I’m giving up YouTube.

I need a rest from inputs, from many voices with opinions and ideas about the world. I need time to seek God, and to sort through my own views of the world. I need to spend more time working on substantial projects.

There are things that I’m going to miss. I’ll probably miss the last days of Pewdiepie’s reign. I like the way that Owen Benjamin illuminates the spiritual realities of the world. And even though I don’t eat plants, I love a good food/travel video.

But it’s okay. Life isn’t YouTube. I’m not going to be completely cut off from communication with the world.

And it will be good to stretch myself.

Hand-printed Valentimes Cards

Apparently I now live in a part of the world where it’s nearly impossible to buy printing supplies IRL. Fortunately for me, there are ways of making prints without any formal printing supplies.

Anyway, one of my personal challenges for the year was to make my own Valentimes cards—or to be more precise, to print my own Valentimes cards. Last year’s cards were cross-stitched. For this year, I wanted to up my game since I started experimenting with printmaking last year.

Mission accomplished!

I’m pretty happy with how these turned out, considering the materials I used. It’s a cheap, jury rigged block print using cheap stamp-pad ink on cheap craft store card blanks. But the point was to make prints—not to stress myself out over making the perfect prints.

Love is the point, anyway.

Step 1: figuring out what you want to print. The trick to this, as with any artistic medium, is to limit your design to something that can be executed with your materials. (This is a good thing to keep in mind when you’re tasked with making good-looking documents in Microsoft Word.)

For this card, I took inspiration from vintage playing cards—the type where the image mirrors itself over the center line. I was especially inspired by these vintage zodiac playing cards.

Step 2: translating the sketch into a print block. This is when I discovered that my sketch was a liiiiiiitle bit ambitious for my print medium and the size of my cards. That’s okay, we just simplified the sketch.

This is a really easy block to make—it’s craft foam white-glued onto foam core. $4 worth of supplies, and I can make 10 more print blocks with the leftovers. Definitely use sewing scissors for this, as they’ll get you more precision (but don’t ask the craft foam to be super-precise; it won’t happen).

Step 3 (not shown): let the print block dry for an hour. Otherwise the white glue will just slip-slide itself off the print block.

Step 4: print! I used a cheap rubber stamp ink pad as my “brayer” since I don’t have one yet. The flat surface of the stamp pad made it easy to swipe ink onto the print block without getting too much onto the backboard.

To make the print, I used a French rolling pin and some elbow grease. It wouldn’t be my choice for bigger prints, but for my purpose and materials it worked just fine.

Step 5: voila, the finished product! I may add some accents with gold acrylic paint to add some fun details.

I love that I have a Valentimes card that I designed and made. I’ll be sending these babies out to friends and family next week—and hopefully put a smile on a few faces.

Watercolor Practice

Roughly a year ago, I started doing bodyweight workouts in my living room. 20-min circuits took me 40 minutes to finish. I couldn’t do half the exercises because I was too weak. It was embarrassing. But it happened in the privacy of my living room and nobody saw me but me.

Later, I started a bodyweight-to-failure routine. Eventually I felt comfortable enough to exercise in public, so I joined a gym and started a weightlifting program. Now physique has changed enough that friends and family notice the difference. I’m slimmer, more muscular, and generally happier with how my body looks, feels, and performs.

When I started Batfort, there wasn’t an internet living room that I could practice in. Sure, I could have done a lot of practice offline…but that’s a journal, not a blog. The only way to practice blogging is to do it, otherwise known as “practicing in public” or “publishing the learning curve.” Or, being okay with making a fool out of yourself in public.

The thing about internet traffic is, though, that nobody cares at first. You don’t get any traffic—and why should you?—which is discouraging even though you know it’s going to happen. Now, the traffic for the first 5 days of January has already surpassed all the traffic for January 2018, a few people have left comments, and posts have been linked to by other bloggers. There are still many things to improve (especially, and always, the quality my writing) but this is now an honest-to-goodness blog.

Sounds like it’s time for a new challenge!

One of my goals for the year is to build up a portfolio of art—specifically, watercolor and/or pen-n-ink—that I could submit to an art gallery or coffee shop for review. Ultimately I’d like to be accepted for a show of some sort, but I recognize that is out of my control to some extent. At the very least, I’d like to get to the Tolkien-like ability to illustrate my own writing if I want.

While this is a skill that I could work on entirely in the privacy of my living room, I’ve learned that “practicing in public” is helpful in many ways. I like documenting the process, which allows me to see how far I’ve come. Taking the time to step back and reflect on the process might help me learn faster. And, I find that doing things in public creates more accountability in my own mind.

So here’s the plan: Roughly each week, I’ll post a round-up of watercolor projects that are interesting. I don’t want to spam every day, and neither do I want to post the boring stuff like color swatches (with the above exception) and studies.

I’ll write a little about what I learned, but I will refrain from criticizing each piece. We all know I’m just starting out.* Ain’t nobody critiqued me doing push-ups on my yoga mat, so I’ll give myself that space to get better at watercolor, too.

Without further ado, exhibit A:

I’m quite pleased that it looks pretty much like the forced-bulb Amaryllis that served as my still-life model tonight, and with how well the wax-covered bulb turned out.

Things I learned:

  • If it’s still even a little bit teeny wet, the watercolor will bleed
  • Don’t color over watercolor with markers if you want a “natural” look
  • Black makes dull shadows—try a different method next time

 

 


*Full disclosure: Just as I did, in fact, know how to do a push-up prior to working out regularly, I’ve taken a few art and drawing classes in the past and am not starting from total scratch with watercolors.

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