reality is weirder than you think

Category: This Might be Funny (page 1 of 3)

Image of the week: fake-like delusional soy

Two images this week.

File the first one under “is this actually real?”

The left’s favorite comeback is consistently ” I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I???” but this one just takes the cake. In what universe did a beta anything triumph?

Looking at it now, there are enough familiar-ish actor faces that it looks like it could be legit, but also looks like a very clever photoshop.

But this is the real clever photoshop:


It’s getting harder to tell legitimate news from fake news. Fortunately for us, memes make it funnier.

Don’t be like my washing machine

There’s a washing machine in the basement of my rental, and like most rentals it’s a little…quirky.

That’s what we would call a “manic pixie dream girl.” The nice, cute way of saying “batshit crazy.”

What’s batshit crazy about a washing machine, you ask?

You select a cycle, and pull out the dial to start filling the machine with water. Then, you add detergent and your clothes, put the lid down and go do something more interesting. When you come back, the dial LOOKS like it went through all the cycles–wash, rinse, spin–but when you open the lid, your clothes are making like soup and swimming in a giant vat of soapy water.

The “brain” of the machine isn’t in step with the “guts” of the machine. Reality is broken.

So you reset the dial to mid-cycle, to catch the rinse and spin cycles again.

Twenty minutes later, the dial says that your clothes are done, but your eyeballs clearly see laundry soup in the machine.

The very dial that supposedly tells the washer what to do is not only not doing its job, but misrepresenting what is actually happening under the lid. Not very sportsmanlike.

But it’s 10:30 pm at night, and you’d like to put your sheets back on your bed eventually so that you can sleep, so you have to get this laundry soup into the dryer somehow (preferably rinsed, so you can sleep without itching yourself to death). To outwit your faulty dial, you set it to spin cycle–at least there’s no more laundry soup–and then go through another rinse.

A relatively short and simple process has now taken 2.5 times longer than it needed to, and you no longer trust the dial–the very piece of machinery that’s instrumental to getting the laundry done.

Friends, it is important to have our mental models match reality as closely as possible. When our dials are off, we are in danger of doing useless things, or we are unable to ascertain whether or not our accomplishments were successful, or–even worse–both at once. Doing something useless and thinking that it was useful.

Human beings are much more complicated that washing machines, as we are capable of so much more than simple agitation, but dealing with my haywire washing machine tonight has reminded me that it is of utmost importance to have a mental model of the universe that is in tune with reality as much as humanly possible.

Maybe I will sleep on clean sheets tonight. Maybe I will roll myself up like a human burrito in my duvet cover, because my sheets are still stuck in spin cycle limbo. I will find out after I post this.

Maybe I can’t fix my washing machine, but I can take a look at my own accomplishments, and my view of myself in the universe, and I can start to align them with observable reality.

A Valentine’s Limerick

I am the type of person who will celebrate Valentine’s day as a single person, but who has no desire to celebrate it in a relationship.


Valentine’s day is a cheesy fake holiday, so what is better than to cheesily celebrate love than a day like this? I get this honestly, as my mom always used to “celebrate” by putting up random conversation heart-style decorations for us to find and doing something fun like heart-shaped pancakes.

In a relationship, it would be better to celebrate days that actually mean something, like anniversaries and suchlike. Things that are specific to the two of you.


This valentine’s day I wrote you a limerick.

Young Sasquatch was truly besotted
So a verse to true love he allotted
(Ahem) “Roses are blue
and red violets too….”
But alas, our Sasquatch was boycotted

You’re welcome…. thank you…. and goodnight.

Dating in upside-down world: the scientist

I try to be as upfront in online dating situations as possible. Trump and helicopter rides figure prominently in my online dating profiles.

And yet.

Men…no, GUYS/SOY never read the profile, but they’re surprised when I tell them that I voted for Trump. That I’m a Christian. That I’m literally a carnivore no I don’t eat any vegetables, thanks.

I went on a date tonight. File this one under “should have known better.”

He would text me to ask how I was doing. I would answer, and return the question. He would answer, and ask me right back how I was doing. It felt like spiralling down a rabbit hole of recursion.

I still went out to dinner with him. File that under “should have known better” and being new in a small town. I honestly don’t think that I’ve been on a date with someone more opposite from me in my entire life.

  • Berniebro, but voted for Hillary anyway (where is your self respect, man?)
  • Gave this big speech about how you can believe what you want, religion-wise, but later in the evening decried freedom of vaccination
    • It seemed like it was a new idea to him that the world is fundamentally fallen/flawed/corrupted by sin, and that it will be utterly impossible for any human being to fix the world (from a Christian perspective)
  • Thinks that in 10 years we’ll be able to wipe out an entire microbiome with antibiotics and replace it (I think we’ll be luck to have a good map of the microbiome in 10 years let alone antibiotics powerful enough to kill those buggers)
    • Like any devoted researcher, decried the idea of citizen science (it must be engineered to have the right effect, after all)
  • Namechecked Plato with the AI singularity as his ideal philosopher king (I would have brought up the issue of AI veering alt-right….RIP Tay…but he didn’t let me get a word in edgewise)
  • Did not let me finish when I tried to talk to him back about one of these things
  • No questions about me. At all. Just a handwavy “what are you expecting to get out of this” with no actual question attached.
    • [Edit] My bad, he did ask me what I did for a living

Honestly, he’s probably on twitter right now complaining about how he went on this date with a brainwashed Christian anti-vaxxer.

I’m trying not to be too picky. I realize it will be a statistical anomaly if I get married at my age, especially with my views on the world. But good gracious I would rather be single forever than chain myself to a soyboy like that.

I’m filing this under “this might be funny,” because it might. If you look at it in a blacklight with a mirror.

Image of the Week: Memo Day edition

Happy Memo Day, everybody. Maybe it wasn’t mind-blowing for those of us who are intently following Trump v. The Swamp. But it is absolutely gratifying to see the dots connected officially.

So let’s bask a little. Besides, it’s Friday.
















Okay, time’s up. Back to work.

Time to burn this mother to the ground.


Image of the week: Super Saiyan Trump edition

At this point, I’m pretty sure everyone younger than Gen X who is on the internet knows Dragon Ball Z.

Even if you don’t know anything about Dragon Ball Z, trust me,¬†you know about¬†Dragon Ball Z.

Just try to look at this picture and not think “SUPER SAIYAN TRUMP.”

I mean, the photoshop helps a lot. But you know what I mean.

Trump Derangement Syndrome means never having to look too hard for a meme.


Do they really not realize that this type of thing just gives him more power? The more that the hair is exalted, the more power he gets.

Maybe not physical power, but memetic power.

I really need to write that post on Donald Trump’s hair.

Image of the week: Barron Trump edition

This kid has basically always been a meme. The low key kind, that you always find funny because they don’t burn themselves out.

Time traveling aside, he always seems to show up, never say anything, and yet sticks in out memories.

The kid has presence.


Image of the week: deep (state) irony edition

This doesn’t appear to be fake news, but you never know.

Apparently a water fountain backed up at the EPA today which started spewing sewage into the hallway.

The deep state has infiltrated farther that we thought.

10 Terrible Ways to Meet People in a New Town

Sometimes, we introverts need a kick in the pants to meet other people. This is a terrible list, but at least it’ll inspire some ideas.

  1. Steal someone’s dog and hang out at a dog park
  2. Stage a breakdown of your car in only entrance the parking lot of the busiest supermarket
  3. Volunteer to chaperone a middle school dance
  4. Sign up to teach a class in an area far outside your expertise
  5. Crowdsurf at the local _______ festival [insert regional crop of choice]
  6. Walk in front of a moving vehicle and pretend to be hurt
  7. Rake leaves in other people’s yards. Bonus points for “No Trespassing” or “Beware of Dog.”
  8. Open mic night, but read your online dating profile(s)
  9. Make a fort out of books at the local library
  10. No matter where you are, open your window and yell “WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND?” at everyone who passes by.

See? It’s easy. You’ll have friends in no time.


Image of the week: skywriting edition

It used to be my longstanding policy that if I ever became Supreme Dictator for Life, the only acceptable skywriting would read “SURRENDER DOROTHY.”


I will make an exception to that policy for the first thing that made me laugh today. This, right here:

I’m leaving in the boomercropping because it also brings me lulz

Apparently some Navy pilots in the Okanogan got really, really bored today.

There’s probably some larger point (heh) in there somewhere about trolls and discipline and the state of our country, but I’m going to ignore it and giggle and peace out for the night.

Happy Friday, y’all.

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