I should really start playing “bad date bingo.”

How cruel would it be to take out a bingo card during a date and mark off one of the squares? (Okay, I wouldn’t do that.)

But there are repeating elements of a not-great date, enough that you could make a bingo card if you wanted to.

Let’s be real: I have opinions. I try to have an open mind about the form of a good man, and his interests, and all those other things. But I do have some non-negotiables.

For instance, as a Christian, I would greatly prefer to seriously date or marry a Christian man. Shocking, I know.

I usually try to bring this up early, as it’s kind of a big deal to me.

If that’s not you, hey it’s fine. Maybe we just shouldn’t date each other.

However, there’s a subset of guys–maybe about a third–who can’t or won’t take this as an acceptable answer. Maybe it’s cognitive dissonance. They like me so much, that they can’t see the objective reality that will prevent our relationship from working out.

(Do I sabotage it myself? Maybe. But you can’t say I didn’t give them a fair warning.)

So they dance. The skittering, justifying, pretzel-twisting mental dance of trying to twist around all their thoughts and words into something that slightly somehow kind of resembles what I’m looking for.

It is the most unattractive thing.

“I’m not what you’re attracted to? Well then let me become that. What is it again?”

Guys. Stand for something. Something that you want. Your mission.

Don’t let it be dependent on a girl. Please.

A lot of people will tell you that the old advice of “be yourself” doesn’t work if you’re not getting dates. That is true on one level–if you keep acting in the same way, of course your situation isn’t going to change.

But pushing yourself to act in a new way doesn’t mean becoming whatever she wants you to be.

Be you. Have your mission.

And then find the girl who complements you.

 

I feel like this post, while written to men, was really written to myself.