I had a long day full of emotions, I’m tired, and this photo reminds me that there are still fighters in this world.
God bless America, and goodnight.
Batfort
Style reveals substance
Category: About the Author (page 3 of 8)
It’s rough, but I love this track of Mark and Taeyong from the NCT crew.
I have a fondness for the young, rough, unrefined bits in an artist’s career–when you can just see the first tendrils of talent unfolding but still being explored.
SM Entertainment has made a concerted effort to develop their rap talent, and has taken that seriously in pushing Mark and Taeyong (and I guess now Lucas) to develop and grow.
You can tell that this is a “challenge” song–somebody tasked them to write a song about what makes them angry. Young Nickel Creek used to record a lot of songs from these types of challenges, and I love how transparent they are.
For all its rough edges, I love this verse from Mark:
When I’m in the house, guess what happens at the end it
always turns out to be empty and demolished (I killed it)
I eventually always end up standing at the center of it
Always energetic still clenching a damn mic in my fist now (how)
Could this be possible? Am I that powerful?
Guess that’s why rumors around the world are saying that
“Mark is absolutely fully capable”
No more rules, just dial my number
If you’re ready to have your house blown
It me. I don’t rap, but I know this feeling. I know this capability. I know this bewilderment.
If I worked as hard as Mark Lee, I could make some things happen too.
Sometimes life just doesn’t quite go the way you plan. Other times, you get capitalize on the opportunity of taking sick leave instead of vacation time.
This week I spent most of my time napping and/or applying judicious amounts of steam to prevent whatever head cold I developed from turning into another round of pneumonia.
For reference, when I had pneumonia in the Spring of 2016 I was out of the game for months and my social life still hasn’t recovered. Fun times.
On the other hand, I’ve done a lot of thinking and writing and research, and am a few steps closer to building my plan for financial freedom. By which I mean “not depending on an employer for a paycheck.” I don’t mind working. I like working. But I would like to work for myself and my God and nobody else.
This blog is too much about me. I need to figure out how to spin it around and make it about Things, because we’re not here for me. We’re here for the truth.
The writer of this blog did something really crazy this weekend which involves multiple time zone shifts, learning new things, and general capacity expansion.
My brain is fried, sorry folks.
See you tomorrow.
Twelve hours ago, I crouched determinedly over a fire ring. After a full night’s rain, the morning had dawned clear and blue and sunny (for the time being) but a chill still clung to the lake like a mist. I was in charge of our morning fire. Armed with tissue and little bits of mostly-dry tinder, and shavings of wood, I lit the little bits on fire. (I must confess, I’d never done this before). I was determined to do it the old-fashioned way, without accelerant, but I could only go by feel. I blew on the little flames when I shouldn’t have, at first, but fortunately they didn’t go out.
As the fire grew bigger, I added larger and larger pieces of wood, until at last it crackled merrily and blossomed into a real, honest-to-goodness campfire. That was when we plunked on a few big logs and settled in for a nice long camp morning.
Of course, there was a canoe adventure too.
***
Twelve months ago, I hunched determinedly over my laptop. After years of trying to keep up a blog, my recent conversion to carnivory had given me a whole new type of energy (for the time being) but doubt still clung to my mind like a cobweb. I decided to post every day in a little blog called Batfort. Armed with my thoughts and writing abilities, I started writing daily posts. (I must confess, I was terrified at first.) I was determined not to miss a day, but still had to come up with a post, so I went mostly by feel. I wrote some subpar things at first, but I didn’t give up.
As the blog grew bigger, I wrote longer and more creative posts until at last it resembled somewhat of a real blog. After the 6 month mark it even started picking up honest-to-goodness views. Batfort has picked up momentum and has settled in as a daily habit.
Of course, there are online business ideas too.
***
Friends, the goal has been reached. Back a year ago I decided to follow the advice of Mike Cernovich and post in a blog every single day for a year to see what would happen. To force myself to publish something, no excuses, daily.
I committed, and that commitment has paid off. I proved to myself that I could do it, even through new jobs and moves to entirely different cities, work trips and camping trips, illnesses and internet outages.
There were no restrictions on the content that I posted, and I decided not to care about the quality of any of the posts–only that they were published. I’ve had to work through feelings of looking-stupid-on-the-internet because writing takes time to refine, and ideas as well.
But with that, over the past year I’ve become a stronger writer, more confident in myself. My content has expanded greatly–so much politics at first–into all sorts of things that I’m interested in. I have a better idea of what I like to write about, and what I think, and what my strengths are.
Aside from the decision to go full carnivore (which was the best decision I’ve made in the past several years), I’m so glad I committed–really committed–to posting daily on Batfort. There were difficult days, and I still haven’t settled on a daily routine for getting these things done, but I have built something that I’m proud of, something that I can keep feeding wisps of kindling to so that it becomes a friendly, crackling fire.
Even though my year is over, I have no intention of letting this Batfort flounder. I’ve trained myself to the habit of posting every day without fail, so I will not fail for the time being. But I’d like to turn Batfort into something a little better, give it a little more coherence and care.
I’m still working out exactly what that looks like, but you can bet that I’m working on coaxing my tiny flicker of words into a steady flame.
Okay, friends. It’s time. I’ve noticed that I’ve slipped into negative thought patterns again. Negative thoughts are not what I want guiding my life, so when they start to crowd out the positive ones, I want to take action.
And that action is this: forcing myself to appreciate the good things in my life.
A gratitude post, if you will.
» Long talks with a new friend about the Orthodox church. I cannot tell you how relieving it is to talk with someone from a similar background who understands my struggles and can tell me how she dealt with similar things. (A mentor!)
» Finding William Davis’ book Undoctored. I want this book to be the physician view of what I’ve personally gone through on my health journey over the past few years, and I’m excited to read what he has to say. Wheat Belly was an influential book in my diet explorations, and helped explain so many of my horrible detox symptoms when I quit wheat. My only complaint is it took me a YEAR to learn that this book existed! It was published last May!
» Peones. They are one of the most beautiful flowers on God’s green earth, and when I look up from my laptop, I get to stare at a vase overflowing with peones. I’m so thankful that I live near a cutting garden where you can go and have the pick of any flowers I want.
» EXO’s Forever.
» This will probably mean nothing to those of you who don’t have access to my analytics (which is…everybody), but it so heartening to see this blog pick up in traffic. Certainly I have a long way to go in content, presentation, and promotion before Batfort is worthy of major traffic, but I’m enjoying the steady-ish increase. Organic views for May 2018 surpassed all of December 2017, which had a spike of views from Twitter to a specific post. I’ve had better months in between then, but I find it immensely satisfying when a slow-and-steady month nets more views than a wait-until-the-hero-at-the-end month.
I’m used to managing expectations. Jumping over the “gap” between expectations are reality is the easiest way to make a great impression at work. I find the “gap” concept to be an easy way to visualize something that isn’t a material thing.
But expectations aren’t the only thing that can fall into a gap. Enthusiasm can, too.
For instance, today I went to a printmaking class. I’ve been sputtering around trying to get started doing art again (a few sketches here, a design project there), so when I saw a class offered nearby, I jumped at the chance. I was thrilled to have a built-in opportunity to practice printmaking, and am happy to finally have bits of ink under my fingernails again.
And while I wouldn’t expect anybody to fall over themselves praising my first printed art piece (I’m no longer a child), I’ve noticed other people’s excitement about my project is nowhere near my own personal excitement levels.
I’m quite excited, if you couldn’t tell.
Others – friends, my mom, Instagram – respond positively, but they clearly aren’t “hearts in my eyes emoji” like I am.
That’s okay. It wasn’t their experience, it was mine. I was the one who did the work, and rediscovered something I love. It’s my plans and schemes and interests that matter (to me). Other people’s reactions are secondary.
Now, as I think about this, there are definitely scenarios where the other person’s reaction would be of vital importance. If I were getting married, I would want to share my future husband’s level of excitement. A gap there would probably spell disaster.
For my situation now, an enthusiasm gap means nothing. I’m not asking anybody to do this project with me, and I’m going to continue to explore printmaking because it makes me happy.
Yet still, I find myself thinking – what would it take to bridge the enthusiasm gap? Expectations is one thing. That’s just a matter of one’s mental model stacked up against reality. But enthusiasm – that taps into how someone feels about something, and that’s harder to influence.
Maybe this is why selling art is so difficult.
HmmmMMmmmm.
It’s been one of those weeks when I’ve let negativity get to me. Sometimes, when the hate seems to outweigh the love, it’s a good idea to write about things that I’m grateful for. That, and look to Jesus.
For now, the cool stuff:
» NCT 127’s new Japan video is out, “Chain.” While I can’t tell if I like the song (I’ve never been partial to Japanese but it keeps getting stuck in my head), I quite like the concept of the video. Flowers and powertools are a great combination. I love how the art director hit a vaporwave vibe without any pink, fuchsia, or purple. And the safety glasses are epic.
» The small satisfaction of doing a good job at something. Even if it’s something as simple as putting together packets for a workshop.
» George Foreman and his grills! I got my George Foreman grill out of storage this week and have been loving it. Not sure why I wasn’t on the bandwagon the first time I used it, because it’s easy to use, easy to clean, and cooks me up frozen burger patties in like 4 minutes. AND it makes killer carnitas.
» I found out that my grocery store smokes their own pork shoulder. See above.
» Rediscovering Mister Money Mustache was a delightful reminder this afternoon. That, and he confirmed a suspicion that I had about a finance book that I’m no longer going to buy, and will be a good reference for me in this portion of my life: the saving and learning portion of my life.
and last but not least,
I’ve never really decided how I feel about Kanye West, but I do know that my opinion has changed over the years.
Typically I’m the kind of person who runs in the opposite direction of the “cool” stuff, so when I first heard of Kanye I was primed to dislike him. His superstardom coupled with the fact that I’m a suburban-raised non-black person meant that I never really felt comfortable with the idea of being a “Kanye fan.”
Anyway, after his openness on twitter this weekend, I thought it might be fun to go back to see what I used to think and how it’s evolved over the years.
@celeriac 11 Mar 2009
kanye west wore a canadian tuxedo on american idol tonight. i really hope he isn’t as much of a trendsetter as he thinks he is.
[Little did I know that I myself would don the Canadian tuxedo during much of the winter of 2013.]
@celeriac 20 Apr 2009
you guys, i am listening to kanye west and liking it. what is happening to me.
@celeriac 13 May 2009
today’s playlist: ukraine eurovision 2003 + mcr’s black parade + kanye’s heartless, eclectic? YES, I THINK SO.
@celeriac 14 Sep 2009
RT @KanyeWest YO PATRICK SWAYZE I KNO U JUST DIED AND ALL&IMA LET U FINISH BUT MICHAEL JACKSONS DEATH WAY BY FAR THE BEST ONE DISYEAR
@celeriac 22 Oct 2009
aww, twitter started explaining trending topics. and i thought they just wanted to let me know that kanye west is not dead.
Email 20 Jan 2011
Subject: mikeyway + unicorn
To: A group of friends (this was during the throes of my emo phase)
From: Me
I like a couple of Kanye’s songs, but the I AM THE GREATEST shtick he’s got going on really grates on my nerves, when I don’t think he’s the most hilarious thing ever. Sue me, I’m conflicted.
Blog post 27 Nov 2011
Subject: i am thankful for
» Inside jokes. Like the green ribbon, Gouda, my boyfriend Kanye West and Steinbeck/Hemingway tag team cage wrestling. <3
@celeriac 4 Feb 2013
the new FOB song sound kinda like their cover of a rihanna/kanye collaboration. #shrug #butitsstillcatchy
Email 20 May 2015
Subject: Kanye
To: Me
From: A friend
“I am a pop artist. So my medium is public opinion.”
http://www.thestar.com/entertainment/stargazing_blog/2015/05/kanye-west-gets-an-honorary-doctorate.html
Email 21 Nov 2016
Subject: I am official concerned
To: A friend
From: Me
In other MK Ultra news, they took Kanye: https://www.reddit.com/r/The_Donald/comments/5e8ju8/kanye_forcibly_hospitalised_against_his_will/
[…]
I’m a bit worked up over Kanye and I don’t even LIKE Kanye (but I appreciate him). Okay.
[Yes I went down the MK Ultra rabbit hole for a while. Haven’t we all?]
Email 4 Dec 2016
Subject: a sort of funny
To: Me
From: My mother
a post about Kanye West
So if he’s on his meds, he votes Hillary and if he’s off, he votes Trump. Sounds like America.
To: My mother
From: Me
I’m laughing, but I’m crying
@celeriac 22 Apr 2018
RT @neontaster If you had “Kanye West gets redpilled” in your 2018 predictions bingo card, congratulations.
In conclusion, Kanye West has been growing on me since 2009. WTF I LOVE KANYE NOW.
But for realsies, I’ve been ambivalent about Kanye for a long time. I’ve gradually grown to appreciate him as an artist, as one who is able and willing to be influential, and as a potential free thinker (which he confirmed this weekend).
It is immensely frustrating to be stuck in higher education, which is full of retirement sandtraps and golden chains and lockstep group think. But sometimes I think of someone like Kanye, who is not only his own dog, but who has proven his chops, who is in the middle of that pack of Kardashians AND submerged in the music industry. That makes my higher ed woes, especially as a low-profiler flyer, seem quite pale and insubstantial.
All power to him, and I hope he continues to fight the good fight.
Some people – usually people who don’t have experience with kids – think that it’s stupid to applaud a toddler for drinking out of a sippy cup. Big deal, they say, everybody knows how to drink out of a cup.
Sure, maybe we all know this as adults.
But for that baby, in his own timeline, that is the very first time he figured out how to be coordinated enough to drink out of a cup. Even though humanity as a whole has done it gorillions of times, it’s a first time accomplishment for that one specific human.
Absolutely worth celebrating.
Today Batfort hit 1,001 overall views.
Probably the sippy cup of blogging, but I’ll take it.
What’s interesting about those 1,001 views is that probably 20% of them were accrued in only maybe five days total. There were a few days where my traffic spiked massively. Of course, traffic did not sustain at that level, but each spike did establish a new normal – two average views per day to three, to seven.
When I was younger, these types of things would have discouraged me. A spike of traffic is such a dopamine hit, but then it goes away. Life returns to normal. Christmas doesn’t come every day.
Now, I find great comfort in seeing the great patterns of the universe (like the Pareto Principle) repeat themselves in my own little tiny corner of it. Tiny and insignificant as it is, I’m still a part of the fabric of existence. I’m part of something much bigger than me.
That’s pretty cool.
And worth celebrating.
So raise your sippy cup – Batfort continues!
PS. I’ll write about something other than recursive blog stuff soon, I promise. This whole “recovering from minor surgical trauma” thing took a lot more out of me than I expected.
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