Pulling at Threads – Page 2

Category: Pulling at Threads (page 2 of 7)

The type of people who just want to get it done (instead of done right)

Now, there’s an academic controversy mildly storming on higher ed news sites about English Professors and how English departments are terrible at interdisciplinary work or something. I haven’t been paying attention to the details.

That’s not what interests me.

In a rebuttal, the original author uses an analogy that exemplifies a certain type of person:

Some English professors appear to feel about interdisciplinary work the way I feel about chocolate. I am among those who are skeptical that the category of bad chocolate exists. When I offer someone a bite of my Hershey’s bar, and they say they don’t like bad chocolate, I suspect they don’t really like chocolate at all.

Is it possible to have an entire category that is so good that we are unable to distinguish quality within that category? Doubtful.

Yet many people in this world act like “doing something” is the same as “doing something well.” Just like Hershey’s chocolate is the same super-refined, dense, rich, hand-milled chocolate. (Which it’s not.)

The girl who wears sloppy eye makeup, rather than the girl who build up her wrist strength blending her eyeshadow to perfection.

The music producer who slaps three notes over a beat and rhyme the same word five times, rather than Kanye or Dynamic Duo who actually produce music that is thoughtful and interesting.

The guy who add a fedora (excuse me, trilby) to an outfit with the expectation that it makes them dressed-up, rather than the guy who take the time to work out and find clothes that fits his style and his body.

These people are everywhere.

And to be fair, whenever we start something new it can be really difficult to skip directly from “doing it badly” to “high quality.” Quality is something that takes refinement, which does not come automatically.

I’ve recently gotten back in the gym, and I’m the person who barely squeaks through my reps rather than the person who finishes each set like a dancer. That’s okay. I’m learning, and I’ll get better as I get stronger.

The problem comes when you stay that way.

Always strive to get better at what you do.

Interdisciplinary studies is all well and good, but there is a difference between cross-referencing a literary work with neuroscience and half-assing research because there’s nobody to call you on your BS.

“I am among those who are skeptical that the category of bad k-pop exists. When I offer someone a headphone to listen to BTS, and they say they don’t like bad k-pop, I suspect they don’t really like k-pop at all.”

The Divide

2018-11-02 / childlike empress / 0 Comments

When I was 23, I moved to a very liberal city. It’s not the most liberal city on the West Coast, but it’s famous for its, shall we say, really enthusiastic prayer rallies.

At the time, I was fresh out of undergrad—bright eyed and hella libertarian. I hadn’t yet discovered the difference between a state and a nation, and thought that borders were stupid since as far as I knew they were basically arbitrary.

In my new city, I settled into my new life. I walked to the grocery store and cooked myself dinners. I hung out with my roommate and watched the Westminster dog show on TV as I studied. Eventually, I went through the requisite mental breakdown as a graduate student, and spent too much money on coffee (because I was flat broke).

Amidst this backdrop of normalcy, a steady drip-drip-drip of leftism dropped against my forehead. You can’t escape it in this city—in most cities. It’s everywhere, softly emanating from the newsstands and whispered by the rustle of umbrellas (which are mostly wielded by out-of-staters). It’s implicit in nearly every conversation and behind every knowing glance over a glib reference to capitalism or the patriarchy.

Many people would go along with this—and I didn’t appear to resist on the outside. But inside my head I started to notice, to wonder. I had questions.

Eventually I searched the internet for answers to some of my questions, and found that other people were asking them too. I read their answers. I read everything I could find. I was offended—some of the mental scars are still with me to this day.

Still, I was intrigued. There was Truth here. And gradually I found myself drifting farther and farther to the right, even as I was surrounded in a softly smothering sea of leftism.

Now as an older, hopefully-wiser woman, I see graphics like “Moving to the Extreme,” and I understand. It’s terrifying to think about, but I myself am one of those tiny red dots that has moved away from the center toward one of the opposing poles.

Even though (or maybe especially because) many of our differences are fake, entirely-engineered scams cooked up by a media that is incentivized by an unholy combination of money, clicks, and hidden special interests, the divide is very real and very much growing.

Just ask my 23-year-old self.

A first look at MBTI type frequency

2018-09-13 / childlike empress / 0 Comments

This is going to be a really rough, sketch of a post. But give me an idea with legs, and I’ma run with it.

Yesterday I shared a little of my personal journey with MBTI. Today I started thinking more about how the “shadow” (ie, the converse of our least-used cognitive function) is underdeveloped and somewhat of an Achilles Heel. What is that, more broadly, for people? What are–on a general level–our problems?

To start out, I found this chart of type distribution in the general population. I have no idea how accurate it is (although it seems accurate), but since MBTI is of dubious scientific validity anyway, I’m just going to roll with it for now.

Please note that I am not a statistician. I just like knowing things. I also view MBTI more as a reliable heuristic than anything else.

Anyway. Type frequency:

Type	Frequency in Population
ISFJ		13.8%
ESFJ		12.3%
ISTJ		11.6%
ISFP		8.8%
ESTJ		8.7%
ESFP		8.5%
ENFP		8.1%
ISTP		5.4%
INFP		4.4%
ESTP		4.3%
INTP		3.3%
ENTP		3.2%
ENFJ		2.5%
INTJ		2.1%
ENTJ		1.8%
INFJ		1.5%

Then I figured out the “shadow” cognitive function for each of the types, binned them with their pairs, and tallied the percentage. For instance, ENJF and ESJF both have Ti as their inferior cognitive function, which would make Te the shadow function.

Here is a really ugly pie chart of the results.

Ugh, this chart is bad. Please don’t hold it against me.

ISFJ and INTJ top out with a Ni shadow at a whopping 25.4% of the population. In fact, the entire “top half” of the chart (which is conveniently going from bottom-up HOLLA TERRIBLE INFORMATION STRUCTURING) is entirely Intuition and Thinking.

That is 65.8% of the population who are effectively incapable of self-reflection or critical thinking.

Now, that’s overstating it. It’s merely 25.4% of the population (“population,” no idea what the sample is) that is nearly incapable of the self-reflection that comes with Ni.

The next 28% is nearly incapable of arranging their thoughts in an objective manner.

If you pay attention to human beings, this is not news. On the whole, we are an irrational, reactionary species. But dangnabbit if this doesn’t help explain why.

I have a lot more sympathy toward people when I realize that they view introspection or thinking in the same way that I view feelings.

This definitely helps explain why things tend toward a small group of “elite” running things for everybody else.

Anyhow, this is a rough first pass, but I want to look a little bit more about how the relative frequency of type is distributed. It’ll help me get more of a handle on global trends (say hey to my Ne, everybody) and I did a small data project at work last week that has primed my appetite for data visualizations (hi, Ti).

How do I feel about that?

2018-09-12 / childlike empress / 0 Comments

Ask me how I feel about something.

The answer? I don’t know.

Seriously. 95% of the time I have no idea.

Lately I’ve been on an MBTI kick, and while it’s lovely for certain things (reverse engineering the personality type for my boss, for instance), it also makes one come face-to-face with certain truths.

These truths are often things that we try to forget. Weaknesses.

The opposite of strengths.

Anyway, as an INTP, my cognitive function stack goes like this:

Introverted Thinking (Ti)
Extraverted Intuition (Ne)
Introverted Sensing (Si)
Extraverted Feeling (Fe)

I rely HEAVILY on Ti and Ne (even though sometimes I hate it) and this blog is largely the result of those two functions interacting. My Si style preferences often don’t make it to “publish” and Fe rarely. Fe is by far my weakest.

While these are my preferred ways of interacting with the world, the converse also exists. AKA, the sides I don’t prefer to use.

Extraverted Thinking (Te)
Introverted Intuition (Ni)
Extraverted Sensing (Se)
Introverted Feeling (Fi)

It’s funny. My “original stack” are things that I take for granted. Always coming up with new ideas, and being able to sort through them to find the best ones. Knowing every single sensation in my body. Being able to connect with other human beings, even if I don’t feel it myself.

My “shadow stack,” on the other hand, is full of things that I’d like to be. Better at commanding my external environment and keeping my life and household on an efficient schedule (hallmarks of Te). Better at envisioning my future (Ni). More style-conscious, putting more effort into my own appearance and that of my living space (Se). And let’s not get our hopes up, but sometimes I’d like to know how I feel (Fi).

Poor Fi gets the short stick. As the shadow of the function at the very bottom of the hierarchy, it’s the underdeveloped stepchild of the bunch. And I’ve been feeling it lately. I can come up with all sorts of examples of how Fi is my achilles heel.

I couldn’t tell you if I liked watching Downton Abbey but I could feel my brain dispensing dopamine while I was watching it. Like literally feel the chemicals. (Si)
It once took me a solid month to identify that I was heartbroken. Even though I was crying myself to sleep every night and listening to breakup songs.
My dearest desire in college was to be a robot. Or a vulcan.

Fortunately or unfortunately, humans aren’t robots OR vulcans, and the majority of us use Fi and Fe quite a lot throughout the day. This is a fact that I understand, but do not relate to.

Sometimes–usually when I’m hormonal–I feel feelings quite strongly. Most of the time it’s a default straight line, usually a bit on the melancholy side. That’s just how things roll with me.

When someone asks me how I feel about something, I often don’t genuinely know.

It came to my attention the other week that people often expect you to comment on how something makes you feel. This is a particular issue with my boss, who is heavy on the Fe and is always looking for an emotional reaction. I don’t like lying, but I also don’t function quickly enough with the feeling function to make something up on the spot. Usually I fake it with Ne and move on.

But that’s the crux of it. My function stack has left me with a function that doesn’t, well, it doesn’t function very effectively. Other people’s function stacks are that way, too–just with different functions.

Getting frustrated with another person for not being able to think (T) or not seeing the connections between things (N) is like getting frustrated with myself for not understanding how I feel (F).

People I know–people who feel–tell me that I have feelings but I just don’t know what they are. Maybe that’s true. I’m not sure what would happen if I focused on my feelings for a while, to try to innervate them like a muscle.

In 6th grade I taught myself how to raise one eyebrow by staring at it in the mirror. Perhaps I can do something similar on my emotions. Then I would be less of a cripple and would probably have an easier time communicating with people on a gut level.

Anyway, I’ll make an effort on this and report back what I find out.

Real Life

2018-08-26 / childlike empress / 0 Comments

I never anticipate how Real Life ™ will interrupt my capacity to have something to say.

Maybe it’s because I’m focused on MBTI right now, but I wonder if keeping busy with physical and social activities somewhat thwarts my propensity for Introverted Thinking, instead keeping my other functions more active, the Extraverted ones (Intuition and Feeling) which are pointed at people, and Sensing, which has way more to do with actually doing things.

It’s when I sit in an office with nothing to expend my energy on and nothing better to think about when I dream up all the things I write in here.

Maybe it’s the change in the tenor of my life, or maybe it’s the fact that I’m hanging out with more S and J types than I’m used to. Maybe it’s the fact that being polite in social company requires me to extravert, rather than introvert, my Sensing capabilities. I find myself taking action, cooking breakfast and clearing plates–things that I’m not often inclined to do for myself.

On the other hand, I could not sustain this way of being forever. I can put my deep need for solitude on hold for a weekend, but I cannot put it on hold indefinitely. At some point I would need to pull back and recharge.

So while I have nothing to say about the stuff that I would normally write about (the stuff that my Extraverted Intuition likes to pick up from the internet), I do have stuff generated by my Introverted Thinking and Extraverted Feeling and Sensing in general.

(Interesting how I didn’t count it because my Extraverted Intuition wasn’t as involved as it normally is.)

I still write, but my writing is much more in tune with my actual experiences, rather than what I’m seeing in the world. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe that’s the seed at the beginning of “write what you know.”

Perhaps this is a cue for me to reexamine what fuels my writing.

Sometimes I feel like Extraverted Intuition is a big bully

2018-08-22 / childlike empress / 0 Comments

Okay, folks. I recently discovered

PersonalityJunkie.com

and it is my newest favorite supplier of MBTI ammo. Of all the typology sites I’ve read, this is by far the most robust in terms of the Functionality of each of the preferences. And to me, the Functionality is the most helpful part.

That’s got me thinking even more than usual about personality type, both in myself and in the people around me. I finally concluded that my boss is an INFJ, not an INFP, as I had previously suspected. Now I know exactly why my boss has the particular personality quirks that he does.

But for me, the primary Introverted Thinker, I’ve been doing a lot of introspection. Gosh, isn’t that surprise.

(When people talk about repeating the same mistake over and over again, I think our personality function stack has something to do with it.)

Anyway, as an INTP, I deal primarily with the world through Introverted Thinking, but I interact with the outside world mostly through Extraverted Intuition.

I love my Ne, it’s true. I love making known the hidden connections between things, and exploring seemingly random ideas and possibilities. It’s a lot of fun.

But lately I’ve started to see how Ne takes over my life, and I’m getting frustrated with it.

Ti plans out a productive day, and my Ne says “Nah I’m not gonna do that”
Ti has thought of all the possibilities and contingencies and plans, and Ne’s like JUST DO IT (and then does it)
Ti wants to do things RIGHT while Ne wants to do all the things right now no waiting let’s go
Ne convinces Ti to stop doing too much work, because Ne can wing it and pull it off perfectly 98% of the time
Ne LOVES browsing the internet–especially Twitter–and Ti is also secretly convinced that without this habit it will have nothing to chew on
Ti spends the time articulating a really fine point, and Ne communicates it with all the subtlety of a bull in a china shop

(Yes I animate my personality function stack. I find it helpful because my internal mechanisms are Thinking and Sensing, which are dry and make it difficult to have fun. All my fun functions are extraverted.)

Maybe that’s why I like writing more, because it gives my Ti a fighting chance against the sheer force of will that comes with Ne. Although, that’s how I’ve kept this blog up, by Ne going LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU to Ti’s insistence that all posts be perfect.

Even this blog post has been subject to that effect. What I had in mind is not what has come out on the page.

The thing is, I feel like Ne does it wants while Ti protests, and Si and Fe stand around and watch. Which does not a productive and functional personality make.

The answer is probably to strengthen my other cognitive capacities, and work to create room for them to grow and to build confidence in their abilities. But how?

I also feel like it would behoove me to turn my Ne in on myself, for some Ni personal perception.

I don’t know how to do that, though. How do you influence a personality characteristic that is barely even described, let alone studied?

Questions first, answers later.

Because if my Ti has learned anything, it’s that if you can’t articulate the question, you’re going to get a garbage answer.

Even from Ne.

Compline

2018-08-21 / childlike empress / 0 Comments

We humans are so great at making things complicated.

We solidify what should be kept fluid, and refuse to differentiate those things that are dangerously ambiguous.

Traditions are handed down over the ages that we meticulously hold to, while forgetting the purpose, the telos, the soul.

And yet, instead of rediscovering the soul, we think we can do better. Chasing new for the sake of it, instead of reviving and reexamining the old.

Things survive for a reason. Most of us can’t see it.

I’m so fascinated by the old ways, and yet I see how broken they are. New ways are broken too.

Sometimes I wonder what we would do if we were forced back to first principles; then I wonder if that will happen in my lifetime.

Today I encountered a rental company that creates a huge barrier out of unnecessary rules, which it then bends thoroughly in order to become reasonable again. I ask myself: why?

To keep outsiders out, that’s why.

I feel like we do the same thing with religion, with making things complicated.

We don’t need Compline, we need a sincere and seeking heart.

And yet.

#NoCoincidences

2018-08-15 / childlike empress / 0 Comments

I’m starting to notice the little things.

Like when the song you discuss in the car on the way to the concert is the first one of the set.

Even a band that’s highly impacted by Trump Derangement Syndrome can’t stop the signal.

A Meditation: The Lamb of God

2018-08-08 / childlike empress / 0 Comments

Not the metal band. Jesus Christ himself.

The phrase “Lamb of God” brings up images of sacrifice, of innocence, of docile purity.

It’s a true thing–Jesus Christ was indeed the perfectly innocent sacrifice for our sins–but like many sides of the story, it’s missing something.

The lamb symbolism very much fits the “gentle Jesus, meek and mild” imagery that is heavily pushed by cat ladies and people who desperately want Jesus to be a socialist.

But think about lambs a minute.

Lambs are not just gentle and mild and whatever.

Lambs are cheeky.

Lambs like to frolic and play.

(Mute this if you value your ears.)

Lambs jump and play and headbutt and generally don’t pay attention to rules.

Kind of like Sassy Jesus as depicted in the Book of Luke.

So next time you think of Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God, don’t just think about how sad it is that we sacrificed an innocent being as atonement for our sins.

Consider also how you might defy gravity out of sheer joy.

No Eclipse Visible

2018-07-24 / childlike empress / 0 Comments

After being close to the path of totality for the solar eclipse last year, I was excited to find out that there’s a lunar eclipse on Friday.

Not for those of us in North America, there’s not. Womp womp.

The solar eclipse was so cool (all those weird vibrations!) I was hoping to catch the lunar version, to watch the moon turn into a rusty mimic of Mars. But alas that is not to be. I’ll have to catch a digital version later, even though that’s not nearly so satisfying.

The movement of the planets has new significance to me. There’s a whole new world of forces in this world that I have always discounted and yet is very clearly real (see also: the sun and moon’s influence on the tides).

My simultaneous accomplishment and crisis last week occurred exactly midway between two eclipses. I finally realized what was going on this afternoon, and tonight, well:

If this is you [it is], you’re probably revved way the hell up into some sort of event horizon of your consciousness. It’s insanely lucid. The goal? To channel this fresh and ingenious force into ambition realisation at Warp Speed.

Of all the things I’ve ever posted on this blog that barely make sense, this post is going to win. Because it barely makes sense to me, let alone to the point where I could articulate it in writing.

Funny things happen when you stop believing in coincidences.

Batfort

Style reveals substance

Category: Pulling at Threads (page 2 of 7)

The type of people who just want to get it done (instead of done right)

The Divide

A first look at MBTI type frequency

How do I feel about that?

Real Life

Sometimes I feel like Extraverted Intuition is a big bully

Compline

#NoCoincidences

A Meditation: The Lamb of God

Lambs are not just gentle and mild and whatever.

No Eclipse Visible

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