Batfort

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A Valentine’s Limerick

I am the type of person who will celebrate Valentine’s day as a single person, but who has no desire to celebrate it in a relationship.

Why?

Valentine’s day is a cheesy fake holiday, so what is better than to cheesily celebrate love than a day like this? I get this honestly, as my mom always used to “celebrate” by putting up random conversation heart-style decorations for us to find and doing something fun like heart-shaped pancakes.

In a relationship, it would be better to celebrate days that actually mean something, like anniversaries and suchlike. Things that are specific to the two of you.

Anyway.

This valentine’s day I wrote you a limerick.

Young Sasquatch was truly besotted
So a verse to true love he allotted
(Ahem) “Roses are blue
and red violets too….”
But alas, our Sasquatch was boycotted

You’re welcome…. thank you…. and goodnight.

Dating in upside-down world: the scientist

I try to be as upfront in online dating situations as possible. Trump and helicopter rides figure prominently in my online dating profiles.

And yet.

Men…no, GUYS/SOY never read the profile, but they’re surprised when I tell them that I voted for Trump. That I’m a Christian. That I’m literally a carnivore no I don’t eat any vegetables, thanks.

I went on a date tonight. File this one under “should have known better.”

He would text me to ask how I was doing. I would answer, and return the question. He would answer, and ask me right back how I was doing. It felt like spiralling down a rabbit hole of recursion.

I still went out to dinner with him. File that under “should have known better” and being new in a small town. I honestly don’t think that I’ve been on a date with someone more opposite from me in my entire life.

  • Berniebro, but voted for Hillary anyway (where is your self respect, man?)
  • Gave this big speech about how you can believe what you want, religion-wise, but later in the evening decried freedom of vaccination
    • It seemed like it was a new idea to him that the world is fundamentally fallen/flawed/corrupted by sin, and that it will be utterly impossible for any human being to fix the world (from a Christian perspective)
  • Thinks that in 10 years we’ll be able to wipe out an entire microbiome with antibiotics and replace it (I think we’ll be luck to have a good map of the microbiome in 10 years let alone antibiotics powerful enough to kill those buggers)
    • Like any devoted researcher, decried the idea of citizen science (it must be engineered to have the right effect, after all)
  • Namechecked Plato with the AI singularity as his ideal philosopher king (I would have brought up the issue of AI veering alt-right….RIP Tay…but he didn’t let me get a word in edgewise)
  • Did not let me finish when I tried to talk to him back about one of these things
  • No questions about me. At all. Just a handwavy “what are you expecting to get out of this” with no actual question attached.
    • [Edit] My bad, he did ask me what I did for a living

Honestly, he’s probably on twitter right now complaining about how he went on this date with a brainwashed Christian anti-vaxxer.

I’m trying not to be too picky. I realize it will be a statistical anomaly if I get married at my age, especially with my views on the world. But good gracious I would rather be single forever than chain myself to a soyboy like that.

I’m filing this under “this might be funny,” because it might. If you look at it in a blacklight with a mirror.

Visualizing Perfect Digestion

If visualization can work for our behaviors and our plans for the future, why can’t it work for health?

Over the weekend I learned that it is a myth that chemical imbalances cause mental illness. (Thanks to AJA Cortes for the tipoff. Sign up for his mailing list–worth it.) A myth propagated by big pharma to sell prozac, no less.

What is more, these psychic ailments are linked directly to our willingness to take responsibility for our actions:

The chemical imbalance theory offers something else, however, and that is the opportunity for the psychiatric patient to limit responsibility for his condition. It has long been noted, particularly by psychoanalysts, that many of the problems labeled psychiatric symptoms are attempts by the person, consciously or unconsciously, to evade responsibility for his conduct. The depressed patient withdraws and removes himself from his stressful environment. The dissociative patient switches “alters” at times when it is most convenient. The psychotic patient creates his reality when he is no longer able to handle his affairs. It is no secret that human beings have a love-hate relationship with responsibility. They love the freedom that responsibility affords, but they fear the thought of being responsible for everything they do.

So.

If things as hugely life impacting as dissociative identity disorder can be explained through something as simple as refusing to take responsibility for one’s actions, what about every other disorder in the body?

Maybe cancer doesn’t split your personality, but ding dang dong can you conveniently die from it without having to clean up multi-million dollar messes that you made.

Or, in cases like mine, a chronic autoimmune digestive monster gives me some really great reasons to be lazy or to ditch out on plans. When I was younger, I operated as normally as possible through sheer force of will. I’ve lost that mindset as I’ve grown older.

But I’ve gotten to the point where I’m tired of letting my guts run my life. If simple chemical imbalances don’t exist, that means that things like attitude, mindset, and will have a lot more to do with our state of health and wellbeing than we think.

Which brings us back to visualization. It is known that positive visualization of the future (be it a state of being, winning a race, or even moving your pinky finger a bunch of times to build up strength) drastically increases the chance of that future coming true.

Starting last night, I have Decided (yes, capital D) to visualize my guts working in perfect harmony and producing the perfect poop each day.

Is that weird? I don’t care.

Today, my normal 4:00 pm bathroom run still hasn’t happened yet–and it’s five hours later.

That is enough confirmation bias for me to continue.

I WILL be healthy, even if that requires brainwashing myself.

Petty Authoritarianism

I used to be afraid of becoming a “petty bureaucrat.” You know them–those people who staff the customer services windows at the DMV or who horde secrets at work, forcing you to jump through their inane little hoops before giving you what you want. Not all people are like this, but enough are.

Now that I’ve had more experience with these types of people, I know that it’s unlikely I would go down that path. I hate telling people what to do and what everybody to make their own choices and forge their own path.

Yes, people need to follow the rules–but we also want to do things like “be ethical” and “follow the law.”

There’s a huge difference between the law and someone’s personal authoritarian tendencies.

Shepard Fairey is one of those people that I agree with on the WRONGNESS of things but not on the cause of that wrongness.

Lately it seems like the authoritarian left has become increasingly prominent and increasingly baldfaced about their strategy and tactics.  Everywhere you look, there are examples of the modern leftist ideal of central planning, the hubris of any human being thinking that they are far-seeing enough to dictate the outcomes of any sort of endeavor.

Maybe I’m just seeing it more clearly now.

  • PowerPoint presentations that project song lyrics in church instead of printing words in the bulletin or using hymnals. Doing it this way strips the congregation of the ability to orient themselves in the song and demands that they submit to the authority of the worship musicians (who inevitably is LARPing as an indie band) and the PowerPoint person.
  • The trend in higher education to dictate learning outcomes for each course and even each lesson. No matter if a certain class is ill prepared and won’t ever get there, or if certain people already know the “knowledge” that will be imparted to them and instead get a lesson in outsmarting the teacher or how to navigate the politicized classroom. It’s ludicrous to think that you could dictate the exact outcomes of a teaching/learning session–especially when you think about the fact that most worthy discoveries come when you’re not expecting them.
  • Obligatory bullet point on preferred pronouns.
  • Going to the doctor and having your entire visit, from questioning to treatment plans, dictated by the coding practices for the insurance companies.

These are more systematic than one-off user implementations, but you can see that every day there are little situations that are designed (?) to make us submit to an arbitrary authority.

No wonder we are losing our will to fight.

 

Backwards book review: Amusing Ourselves to Death

Neil Postman’s Amusing Ourselves to Death is an interesting look at the way people engage and interact with the world.

I first read it six or seven years ago, before my eyeballs were fully opened to the magnitude of fake news and general non-truth-seekiness that pervades the world.

Somebody on Twitter mentioned in this week, since it’s pretty relevant to what’s happening in our world these days–the degeneration of civil discourse, people who are unable to converse beyond sound bites, the dissipation of nuance.

It’s on the docket to read again, but I figured it might be fun to write about what I remember about the book before rereading it. That way, we can see what stuck from the first time around. Or we can laugh at what I completely misremembered.

It’ll be fun! Like turning a book review inside out.

Here’s what I remember about Amusing Ourselves to Death:

  • I think the main idea of the book was that because of television and other visual media, we are becoming a post-literate society. The primacy of the written word is giving way to the primacy of the image, which doesn’t allow for the precision and nuance that the written word does. (I’m reminded of emojis when I think of this.)
  • Postman points out that many people are afraid of falling into a 1984-style linguistic dictatorship, but Postman sees our society going more the way of A Brave New World. People abandon the pursuit of truth in pursuit of feelings (“the feelies”) of their own volition.
  • I remember Postman contrasting the ability of people in the past to hold long arguments in their memories with our short sound-bite attention spans now. I believe this was illustrated with the Lincoln-Douglass debates, and how both the debaters and the crowd needed to additional notes or written material to make their cases or keep up with the conversation.
  • I remember disagreeing with him about something. I can’t recall if it was something about his tone (dang kids get off my lawn) or if it was something related to visual communication (because sometimes a diagram is more efficient in conveying information than a paragraph).
  • But I do remember becoming very uncomfortable with the idea of seeking amusement or entertainment above all. So much is done now FOR THE LULZ, or in my case when I’m stuck at work, for the amusement-factor that I wonder if we’re losing an element of the serious and the sacred. Not totally sure it’s in the book, but definitely related.

I think that just about wraps it up.

Will report back in when I’ve reread the book.

 

Image of the week: do you even encrypt?

What happens when you send classified information over an unencrypted messaging service?

Looks like we’re about to find out.

When you think new media has won…

…try streaming the Olympics legally online without a prior cable subscription.

SERIOUSLY you’d think that attitudes would have progressed by now.

Obviously the technology is fine.

Maybe by the time that NBC’s stranglehold on the Olympics is up in 2032 they’ll decide to capitalize on the fact that there’s a sizable demographic of people who HATE cable but will stream just about anything online.

Right now, it just feels like the leadership at NBC hates me and everyone like me. Which, when you think about it, they do.

Maybe this is my self-inflicted memetic punishment for wanting to participate in such globalist pomp and circumstance as the Olympics.

 

Severed heads in higher ed news

Students being students, the prospect of a selfie with severed heads at a dental training conference is way cooler than privacy laws and proper lab etiquette.

Graduate dental school students and a top University of Connecticut orthodontics professor took a selfie with two severed heads used for medical research at a training workshop at Yale University last year – an episode Yale officials called “disturbing” and “inexcusable”.

The selfie was taken in June at the Yale School of Medicine during the 2017 DePuy Synthes Future Leaders Workshop, which focused on dental-related facial deformities.

The Associated Press obtained a copy of the photo from a person who received it through a private group chat.

Maybe it’s wrong, but I’m deeply amused by this (mostly because I don’t have to deal with it or clean up the mess). Situations like this are at the intersection of like six different sets of rules all competing for who gets to come down the hardest. Who will institute the severest consequences, UConn or Yale? Will the severed heads be yanked from use? Will the FedGov get involved because HIPAA? SO MUCH DRAMA.

Severed heads are the weirdest non-sequitur, and I love absurdist humor. And this is absurdist humor in real life!

Yale spokesman Thomas Conroy said the School of Medicine took the matter very seriously. He said there was clear signage forbidding photography at each entrance to the laboratory. He also said the symposium was not part of Yale’s anatomy program, and the heads in the selfie were not donated to Yale.

 

It was not clear how the heads were obtained.

No one’s going to admit that they have severed heads in their anatomy lab basement? Trust me, when you walk through the anatomy freezer at the right time and hear the saw going full blast, you know what’s going on.

Of course the Yale School of Medicine is taking this seriously. The biggest problems with privacy in a School of Medicine is that–unlike educational privacy laws–HIPAA is actually enforced. Most schools do a training designed to scare people into following privacy laws, but this is not the first time that a student has hit the jackpot of stupidity by sharing a medical-related photo on social media.

Remember, kids: even metadata can count as protected health information.

(The unspoken thing here is that HIPAA breaches can cost millions of dollars in fines and corrective action plans.)

The drama of academia, folks.

What’s so bad about a data dashboard?

Workshops. On data. BIG DATA, even. What fun!

As much as I acknowledge the value of an education in statistical methods, it’s one of those things–like insurance and economics–that skims right off the surface of my brain and refuses to stick.

And yet, today I attended a statistics-based data workshop.

Most of it was an overview of the basics with an eye toward why you use certain techniques in certain situations and the ethics thereof. Kind of refreshing, actually.

Until we got to a section on dashboards.

Data dashboards, which seem to be big trend amongst the data-product companies these days. I know that in my area, there’s rumors that there might be dashboards in the works, and everyone is excited.

Everyone except our workshop presenter, that is.

She was not impressed.

Don’t be impressed by words like “dashboard,” she says. Look, here’s what a dashboard looks like. All that’s on it is some bar charts, a pie chart, and some recent history. There’s nothing new here. All of this can be made in Excel with minimal effort.

(Yes, this is true. Most dashboards aren’t the pinnacle of cutting edge data visualizations.)

I leaned over to the grad student sitting next to me and remarked, “But they’re not selling innovation. They’re selling convenience.”

Her response?

CEOs must think dashboards are magic because they don’t know how they’re assembled.

I’m no data expert, but both of these attitudes strike me as out-of-touch.

Dashboards ARE about convenience more than anything. Would I love to have a financial dashboard that shows me a simple pie chart of budget categories and maybe a bar graph of actual versus projected expenses? You betcha. Because right now, to get that information, I have to log in to a remote server, run a report, clean up the data and hope it plays well with whatever version of Excel I’m running, and then create a few visualizations.

Is this difficult? No. Does it take time? Yes. But unlike academics, who tend to focus on their specialty like it’s the only thing that matters in the world, I neither have the time nor inclination to spend so long working on graphs that a dashboard could spit out at me–updated and in real time–in moments.

If that’s true for me, who is no longer at the bottom of the heap but who’s still at the “works with reality” end of the hierarchy, that’s so much more true for a CEO. And for someone at that level, having realtime reporting of actual data in the company is imperative. They have to have such a high vantagepoint that the data is critical–for me, I have a pretty good handle on how the budget is being spent because I reconcile all the purchases myself anyway. CEOs don’t do that.

Even so, I have a hard time comprehending how someone could possibly make it to CEO of a company that has the money to throw at a data-product company for a dashboard in the first place who didn’t have to fight his (or her) way up through the ranks and I would be willing to bet money that any of them could make a stupid bar chart.

Elementary school kids can make bar charts. It’s not hard.

But I forget how many people, especially permacademics, are brainwashed by the media, where the CEO AS BUFFOON narrative is in full force (see also: Trump). Even if you’re aided by a “good ol’ boys club,” you’re not going to make it long as CEO without a good bundle of smarts.

Enough about CEOs–back to dashboards. The remaining thing that entices me about dashboards is their (supposed) ability to bring together multiple databases worth of information. In all the universities that I’ve worked for, there are various databases that hold different types of information, all of which are extremely robust and none of which want to talk to each other. If–and I am aware that this is a big if–it is possible for a data-product company to create a dashboard that incorporates one or more of those data sources, that company would earn my undying gratitude and admiration.

Seriously, it’s awful having two robust sources of data with no way of bridging the gap. It makes you look so incompetent to people who request certain types of reports but don’t know the lay of the data landscape, so to speak. (Would you call that “data architecture”? Don’t answer that. I’ll google it.)

I feel like these people who get so caught up in process and method (which is their job) forget that there are so many other practical concerns, like data sources, time, and the fact that most of us want a computer to do any and all jobs that computers can do better than us, because it cuts down on human error.

I will be absolutely ecstatic when a computer can take over most of my budgeting duties. (I’m sure at some Fortune 500 companies, they already do.)

Maybe data dashboards don’t reinvent the wheel, but they sure are useful.

Well, I’ve committed myself to hosting a party

You know the idea that you should never wait until you’re “ready” to do something, and jump the gun a little bit? Like you never feel you’re ready until you’re past ready, but you’re capable of being ready before you feel it? (Yes I know that is a ridiculous sentence.)

I decided to put that into practice this week. Olympics/housewarming party at my place, Friday.

That means I have to get my butt in gear, because I’m not ready.

There’s no way I’m going to get a coffee table and the remaining gorillion side tables that my furniture configuration dictates, or even a properly-sized rug, but that’s okay.

What matters more is

  • Making good food that is compatible with non-carnivores. I’m going to do a big pot of pulled pork, and then provide buns and condiments so the omnivores can make sammiches.
  • Whipping my kitchen into some semblance of order, even if it’s just stuffed into a bunch of cabinets. (Don’t tell on me.)
  • Making sure that the essentials are clean (floors, bathroom).
  • Hanging hooks in my entryway for coats and making sure I have a bunch of chairs and comfy things to sit on.
  • Doing the hostess thing when the time comes.

I don’t think anyone’s going to care that my coffee table is currently four boxes with boards laid over, as long as there’s good food and good company.

Full disclosure: this blog post is mostly me convincing myself that everything is going to be fine, and that I don’t have to be 100% perfect for people to like me.

It’s all going to be fine.

 


Btw this “party” consists of all six people I know in this town so far. Hoppin.

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