Applying for jobs is a sick, twisted form of fantasy

I updated my resume today.

One of my least favorite things to do — ever — but I’m fairly satisfied with the results. I used to think that “summary” and “highlights” sections were stupid, but today I realized they are essentially the resume equivalent of this meme:

Nothing *really* has to make sense, you just jam a bunch of words into bullet points that both describe you and fit the position description of the job you’re applying to. Who cares if the syntax matches or if it’s echoed in another part of your resume.

I kind of want to put an “Ivanka” bullet point on my next resume and see what happens.

If you want to be EXTRA, you could translate those bullet points into the cover letter. You know, synchronicity. Repetition. I’m sure it would help (HA, PSYCHE!).

Job applications are frustrating to me because they’re such an asymmetrical distribution of work. In order to put in the effort that it takes to blast past most of the other applicants, you have to take up way more time and energy than the person reviewing your application will give it. I understand the purpose of winnowing out applications, and that the “right” candidate will have put in the work for the job, but it seems so unnecessary.

That’s just the logistical side of it.

What’s worse, to me, is when I fall into the fantasy daydream trap. I start thinking about the life that could be possible if I got this job.

What would life be like if I got this job?

What would my budget be on that pay scale?

Let’s look at housing on Craigslist in that area…

Oooh, that’s a cute place. How would I decorate it?

On one hand, I get that a certain amount of daydreaming is what keeps life liveable, especially when you’re seeking to change things but haven’t yet gotten that far. That’s called “hope.”

On the other hand, I’m sinking all this time (time that I could have spent applying for another job) thinking about the coulds and mights and maybes of this new hypothetical life. Which, most of the time, don’t work out because you never get a callback for the position.

That’s one of my own personal cognitive traps, the “could.”

If I’m the equivalent of Bernie right now, what is one possible version/vision of Pepe?

It’s fun to think about, but not productive.

The trick is to decide when you need to be productive, and when it’s okay to dream a little. At least wait until you have an interview.