I used to watch reality tv to watch how personalities interacted under pressure. Yes, the storylines were fake, and the scenarios were heavily suggested, and the editing was pervasive, but the people and their personalities were real–if a bit exaggerated because of stress and booze and exhibitionism.

It was like watching people I know react under a big ol’ microscope, and I didn’t have to worry about getting splat on by any of the drama.

So it’s been interesting to watch a subgenre of Youtube turn into, essentially, reality tv. Old school style, where you just followed people around with a camera.

Normally I don’t pay much attention to this area of Youtube. I went down the vlog rabbit hole a few years ago until I realized that the payoff in terms if real life application was pretty slim.

Teen Youtube, though, seems to be a big thing. Logan and Jake Paul. Pewdiepie’s army of nine-year-olds. I guess there’s a whole demographic on Youtube who don’t also use it to learn how to troubleshoot the pilot light on their water heaters.

However, Shane Dawson’s latest stuff has really caught my attention. Somewhere along the line, he went from an unknown-to-me comedian loved by the youths to Youtube’s Investigative Psychologist Dad. Seriously, even though he’s personally connected with the two subjects of the pieces I’ve watched, I feel more objectivity from him than from most mainstream journalists these days.

(Major kudos to Shane for being one of those comedy guys who so clearly thinks and feels deeply about the world–I’m not a huge comedy fan but I really respect comedians who are in it for real.)

It started with Bunny, aka Grav3yardgirl, a Texas goth girl with a big personality who somehow amassed a large following of tween girls. At some point, she started playing to the crowd instead making videos for herself, and the lack of joy showed. She closed herself off (IRL MISS HAVISHAM VIBES) and in doing so lost the fans on Youtube who are absolutely ravenous for authentic weirdness. I mean, I myself am Bunny’s age, and I subscribed to her because I secretly want a goth best friend.

Shane came into the picture by showing up at her house, delving into what makes her scared about Youtube (other than hemorrhaging subscribers), and helped her remember what she liked about making Youtube videos in the first place. Since then, Bunny and her videos both have been clearly on an upswing. Good job, Shane.

That put Shane Dawson on my radar (and on my “recommended” feed).

Which brings us to Tanacon.

Now, I don’t care about the convention itself. Essentially, what happened was two unseasoned kids teamed up to throw a convention up against Vidcon, decided to milk it, and oversold tickets like crazy because apparently people like “being oppressed outside” standing in the rain (or in this case, getting hella sunburned) waiting to get into a convention that’s at capacity.

Shane, doing the Youtube Dad thing that he does now, tried to console all parties involved (who are convinced that they’ll be ruined forever) and also to get to the bottom of all the lies and blame. He had a fine line to walk, since apparently he is good friends with Tana, but ultimately let the footage speak for itself. Bless Youtube vloggers and their need to film everything.

Without getting too much into the he-said-she-said of it all (and trust me, there is a lot), what strikes me is the lessons that we can learn from young, bold personalities getting in an argument over a badly managed conference: the client/provider relationship takes as much work as the event itself.

It’s interesting to watch the two of them interact, because they both clearly felt wronged, and they both clearly do not have the experience to know what they could have done better.

Don’t be a bad client

Tana, it seems, didn’t know what she wanted other than a lot of “nots.” Basically an event that was not Vidcon that was also somehow cooler than Vidcon. It is very difficult to develop an event (or a marketing campaign or any other thing) for a client who doesn’t know what they want. If you’re a client, try to figure out what it is that you’re looking for before you start planning.

Also: if your name is on the thing, you might want to take a little bit more care with it than going on vacation to Hawaii the week before your event is scheduled. Be around to answer questions during the prep phases. Usually by the time you’re asking questions day-of (or when things are about to launch), it’s way way way too late. Think about your reputation and what you want your name to stand for each step of the way as you’re selecting vendors, venues, and signing contracts.

Know your limitations. Know your budget. Know your physical constraints. Know your market. Start small and scale. (ie, start with a meet and greet, not by planning a convention). The person you hire for events is an expert in events, not in your particular area of expertise or what you personally want to get out of this event. You have to bring knowledge and research to the table, as well. You can’t rely on them.

Learn how to say no

Then we have Michael, the kid who was in charge of the convention, and apparently his own talent management company. He is a “yes” man, clearly wanting to always project the best possible facade for himself, his company, and his event. It is difficult to tell the exact sequence of events because of all the disparate footage, but he seems unable to put up boundaries between what is ideal, what could potentially be done on an indefinite time frame, and what is realistic within the constraints.

Being able to push back on a client when they are being unreasonable is one of the most important parts of dealing with a client (or a boss or anyone, really). Managing expectations to a realistic level is just as much about protecting yourself as it is creating the smallest possible gap between expectations and reality. When there is a big gap, there is big disappointment.

Another difficult thing you have to do when managing an event for someone else is behing honest about what’s going on. It can be really hard not to put a good face on things, especially when you want them to go well and your own ego is riding on them. But false information makes it impossible to make good contingency plans, which will absolutely tank your plans.

You always need a contingency plan. Always always always. It will make your life 90% less stressful, trust me on this.

And for everybody

Making decisions based on what’s good for your ego is usually a terrible idea. Sure, it might make you feel good in the moment, and it might make you look good on Youtube for a hot minute (at least until Shane Dawson goes digging), but ego-deep decisions rarely hold up in real life. Take your time, think things through, and be brutally realistic with yourself about what you can accomplish with your available resources. Then once you get your first success, leverage that momentum into something bigger.

Based on Michael’s past trajectory, and the fact that he got started with this stuff in high school, I have no doubt that he’ll figure out how to bounce back.

I hope that Tana will use this as a lesson in what she can realistically expect out of herself, and that she should play to her strengths.

And I hope that all the kids watching on Youtube, and the ones who were stuck in the parking lot, see this as a lesson on risk. There are things that are great to get from young people–like fresh perspectives and boundless energy–but there’s a reason why you have to be 35 before you can run to become president of the United States. There is a lot of learning that you have to do before you can be great at anything.

And kids, always read contracts before you sign them. If you die in the contract, you die in real life.