Batfort

Style reveals substance

Month: August 2018 (page 2 of 4)

Compline

We humans are so great at making things complicated.

We solidify what should be kept fluid, and refuse to differentiate those things that are dangerously ambiguous.

Traditions are handed down over the ages that we meticulously hold to, while forgetting the purpose, the telos, the soul.

And yet, instead of rediscovering the soul, we think we can do better. Chasing new for the sake of it, instead of reviving and reexamining the old.

Things survive for a reason. Most of us can’t see it.

I’m so fascinated by the old ways, and yet I see how broken they are. New ways are broken too.

Sometimes I wonder what we would do if we were forced back to first principles; then I wonder if that will happen in my lifetime.

Today I encountered a rental company that creates a huge barrier out of unnecessary rules, which it then bends thoroughly in order to become reasonable again. I ask myself: why?

To keep outsiders out, that’s why.

I feel like we do the same thing with religion, with making things complicated.

We don’t need Compline, we need a sincere and seeking heart.

And yet.

I’m finally realizing that it will take actual work to work for myself

This seems like such an elementary thing.

When I say, “Someday I’d like to work for myself,” it’s with an abstract view of work. Somewhere in my mind has been a vision of all the work that I do for myself being fun, and something that I naturally want to do, and everything being easy and motivated and inspired.

However, for some reason today of all days I think about how hard it will be to shift from a “paycheck receiver” to a “money generator.” That’s a big shift.

I think about all the things I hate doing at work, but that I continue to do because they make me an effective employee. Those are the things that I have to continue doing if I want to build up a side business–I have to bring the work attitude home and just do it.

Only it’s just me this time. Nobody’s going to scare me into doing the work, because I set my own deadlines.

That’s incredibly empowering, yet incredibly terrifying.

Basically I just realized that working for myself is not necessarily going to be “fun” and the chafing that I feel like my time is obligated is not going to go away. Time is still going to be my frenemy. It takes time to get things done. A business creates obligations on one’s time.

It’s not going to be a fun escape for a while. It’s going to be work on top of work, and work where I have to be the boss as well as the employee.

At this point, I need to stop thinking about it and start doing it.

Can you heal your life?

Sometimes, when you read a new author, it’s like meeting an old friend. A kindred spirit. I would have loved Nassim Nicholas Taleb’s Antifragile just as much if I had read it at age 12 as I would have when I read it in my late 20s. Too bad it wasn’t around when I was 12 or I might have had a head start.

Other times, it’s plain weird how much a person that you thought you’d detest echoes a lot of your own ideas. For me, reading Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Yourself was one of those times. Because of my introduction to Louise Hay, I assumed she would be fully of crazy ideas.

Sometimes she is.

But much of her writing resonates with things that I already know, things that I have already thought or experienced or heard from people I trust. Definitely a value-add (not just another retreat of Think and Grow Rich), especially by tying in physical health.

Anyway, this is the bit that caught my attention.

You see, I believe that should is one of the most damaging words in our language. Every time we use should, we are, in effect, saying “wrong.” Either we are wrong or we were wrong or we are going to be wrong. I don’t think we need more wrongs in our life. We need to have more freedom of choice. I would like to take the word should and remove it from the vocabulary forever. I’d replace it with the word could. Could gives us choice, and we are never wrong.

Now. I disagree on her conclusions. We certainly can be wrong about things and it is in our best interest to Not Be Wrong about many things. Part of becoming wise is learning the right things to Be Wrong about.

(Louise fights dreadfully against the idea that there is absolute Truth in this universe, and that’s where we differ dramatically.)

We agree, however, on the word should. A while back, I wrote about why I think should is a dirty word.

Most of the shoulds in this world don’t have anything to do with bedrock Truth. They have to do with the part of reality that’s socially constructed.

  • should go to bed early.
  • should buy a house before I’m 30.
  • should go to the doctor when I’m sick.

You don’t have to do any of those things. You could live a perfectly happy life without them.

When dealing with the shoulds, you do have to consider the consequences of your actions. I like Louise’s suggestion of the world could in that situation.

  • could go to bed early. I could also go to bed late. It depends — when do I have to wake up tomorrow?
  • could buy a house before I’m 30. But what happens when I already have student debt?
  • could go to the doctor when I’m sick. I could also learn how to take control of my own health so that I get sick less often.

It’s a valid point. Switching from should to could places the choice squarely on my shoulders. I become the driver of the decision, rather than ceding control to whatever people or cultures built up the shoulds in my head.

It’s my job to filter my coulds through a moral and ethical framework, ideally one that I’ve deliberately considered and decided to take on.

I’ll be going through this book in more depth, filtering it through the Truth, to see how I can apply Louise’s ideas to my own life and healing. I’m optimistic.

Real talk about spending in higher ed

Look. The leading edge is upon us. More small liberal arts colleges are closing each year. With Marylhurst’s abrupt closure this year, the shift to medium-sized colleges is coming sooner than I expected.

Universities are in dire straights because their organizational structure is built on soft reality while the results of their labors must be compatible with hard reality. It’s a group of people who act as if money isn’t real, who have built their whole enterprise around “go to college and get a better job” in which money is very real.

Some people get it.

When you think about how we’ve tried to solve the cost problem in higher ed, on the academic side it’s been kind of a one-note solution: bringing in more and more lower-cost labor, in the form of adjuncts. Full-time faculty have become so diluted across more sections, more courses, more curriculum, that we really are not well positioned to take care of core mission, student success, etc. The big money, ultimately, is in how much curriculum are we offering, to whom, and how.

This sounds a lot like how fiat currency devalued money, and how fiat food devalued nutrition. Fiat education ruins learning. Long term, it doesn’t work to invest in low-quality fluff when your enterprise depends on exacting, high-quality production.

We have to be able to connect core operations — teaching and learning — back to the business model. We’ve done a disservice by pretending those are two separate things. Do I make or lose money on various programs? Most institutions — the overwhelming majority — have zero idea how they earn a living, where the margins are across programs.

Because the university model is run on a “guild” system, disciplines are largely left alone to tend to themselves. I’m dealing with this at my own job right now, that the university has been more concerned that departments have certain systems in place than it is with the data collected with those systems. The faculty’s insistence for autonomy has created these giant financial structures where the head of things doesn’t actually know what happens to the money. Coupled with the fact that faculty usually aren’t that interested in money (they are the types to budget the same $3 into 3 different categories) and are more loyal to their discipline than their university, there is very little incentive for departments to keep themselves running shipshape.

Small soapbox moment: usually departments have people–administrative staff–who are adept at analyzing and deploying budgets. However, because staff are widely disregarded as functional, intelligent entities, departments do not adequately utilize their talents in a way that would make the most fiscal sense for the department.

(Trust me on this. If you do not have a PhD, your opinion is disregarded, no matter how much experience you have in fiscal, technological, or people-centered matters.)

Speaking of which,

We did a project recently for a large research university, and we were presenting the data analysis to the faculty. We put up a slide that showed one course with 12 sections. When you looked at the sections, one had 25 students, one had three, another had five, another had 10. It was really eye-opening for the faculty see that. Same course, different sections, and we have this huge variance.

There is a lot of stuff like this that could be examined in the university. This is someone who is feeling extremely underutilized in her role talking, but you could squeeze greater efficiency from someone like me by putting me on a project like that (I’ve done it before it’s on my resume hello), OR by abolishing my position and hiring someone for half my salary to do basic office work. Either one, you would win.

In the university, much of the analysis is done at a medium level. It completely ignores the impacts of decisions made by the top leadership, and assumes that all of the on-the-ground decisions made by departments are made in good faith with good fiscal sense.

None of those things are good to ignore. Starting to look into them creates a huge kerfuffle about “academic freedom.”

So you get the types of university presidents who either spend indiscriminately and are beloved by all, and then the ones who are hired to clean up the mess and whom everybody kinda hates.

That is not a recipe for growth and success. That is a recipe for driving out all of your good people and inviting narcissism and disaster.

Anyway, read the whole interview. It’s worth it.

The Gucci trend needs to die already

When a phrase like “That’s so Gucci” enters the relative mainstream, you know the meme is close to death.

Super Junior D&E: A prince among men vs. the Gucci clown

Look, I don’t dislike Gucci.

Their ideas over the past few years have been interesting, especially when they started down the high/low kitsch path. Back when Jared Leto was the Gucci high-fashion drama king.

Now though, the whole Gucci aesthetic feels overplayed.

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m craving refinement and deliberateness (and let’s be real I’m more of a D&G girl anyway) but the gonzo-ness of this latest incarnation of Gucci has grown, IDK, stale.

Take, for example, the photo above. Donghae keeps it classic — “ringmaster” never goes out of style — and relatively toned-down despite a very flamboyant jacket. Eunhyuk, however, is stuck in tragic fashion victim mode — his clothes are more than he can handle. (And as a k-pop veteran, he can handle a lot of clothes.)

Let’s move on from “high fashion tacky grandma,” okay?

What’s next, the moon landing?

First it was the fallacy of chemical imbalances in the brain. Apparently now hydration is less important to exercise than they would have us believe:

One of the principles of selling a product, and if it’s a medical product and you make medical claims, is that you must maximize your market. In my view, those 1996 guidelines, what they do is they maximize the markets for sports drinks. What they are essentially saying is that it’s dangerous to lose any weight during exercise. In other words, it doesn’t matter what exercise you’re doing, you must drink at the same rate that you are sweating. And you mustn’t wait to become thirsty. What that means is that if you go to a gym and start exercising for 10 minutes, you must start drinking before you start, and within 10 minutes you must have drunk a certain amount. That increases the market size for your product, from just marathon runners to everyone who exercises. So when you go onto the street and you see runners jogging along for a couple of miles, they are carrying water with them. They become a target user for your product. They managed to change drinking behavior out of competitive sport for runners and cyclists and triathletes to gym exercisers as well. The consequence of that is that the sale of their product just rocketed thereafter. They had to demonize hydration and make it a disease.

Basically, listen to your body. Marketing departments demonize our body’s natural regulatory mechanisms (thirst) in order to sell us stuff we don’t need (Gatorade).

I’m late to this party. I’m no endurance athlete. This has been discussed all across the internet and you don’t hear of people dying from marathon running anymore. But this stuff is important.

I feel like I should be better than this, but I am continually astounded at the depth and creativity of the lies they feed us. Once you think, “Okay I got this, now I can go out and live a real life” you find about 6 more layers of crap that you have to dig through.

The most horrifying part, to me, is that most of this seems to be somewhat organic. Sure, there are pockets of conspiracies (in the sense of a loosely connected group of people working together, like citation rings), but on the whole it seems like a bunch of opportunistic, disconnect people working in their own best interest.

I don’t doubt that they are egged on by forces bigger than ourselves, but this isn’t the case of some scientists plotting together in a dark room to dehydrate a bunch of endurance athletes. This is short-sighted human idiocy at its finest.

What happens when we decouple ourselves from risk and skin in the game and the eternal.

Consider Don Draper, the idolized con man. We love him in Mad Men but we go apoplectic when he becomes our president.

We love the idea of being seduced, even when the seduction is a bit sleazy.

 

Every single time we’re astounded to find ourselves alone the next morning.

Perhaps I’m just projecting, dear reader.

Does this stuff still surprise you?

#NoCoincidences

I’m starting to notice the little things.

Like when the song you discuss in the car on the way to the concert is the first one of the set.

Even a band that’s highly impacted by Trump Derangement Syndrome can’t stop the signal.

Potpourri

» I saw a potpourri dispenser the other day. It was a little copper kettle with decorative holes in the lid (these ones looked like stars). I’ve never loved potpourri, nor do I love looking at tiny decorative kettles, so I don’t know why this would be supremely interesting to anyone. Perhaps that’s why it was at an antique mall.

» I am a person of Extraverted intuition (Ne), and I had the chance to converse with another Ne over the weekend. While there are many things that this person and I disagree on, it was fun talking to someone who “spoke the same language,” so to speak. Knowing more about the stack-order of Myers Briggs types has been incredibly helpful to me in understanding people.

» If you’re going on vacation with a friend, determine payment structure and level of planning in advance. Everything proceeds nicely from there.

» The Fountainhead isn’t nearly as interesting a book as it was when I was 18. My main criticism of Atlas Shrugged (that the human action was cartoonish) seems also to extend to The Fountainhead. The insights are still keen, though. I’ve observed many in my own dealings with people. More to come.

» My focus in my personal journey to health has started to focus on mindset and thought patterns. This is going to be a big shift in how I’ve approached health and healing, and will probably be Not Fun.

» Sinus headaches are the worst.

Appreciation post: not having a headache

Today, due to abysmal air quality, I sprouted the most magnificent of headaches.

It shimmers behind my eyeball, reverberating through my sinuses.

The pain that broke its way out into my hard palette is finally calming down.

I long for a quiet head.

And I know that, after a few hours, I won’t think about it anymore.

But in this moment, I am so grateful for all the other times when my head didn’t hurt.

Finding your habitat

I spent the weekend my aunt in the woods.

She’s a self-sufficient, off-the-grid kind of lady. Grows a lot of her own food, makes her own wine, built her own house. If you want to get ahold of her, you have to call my cousin who lives down the road in a house that has electricity and a phone–she’ll drive up to my aunt’s to relay a message.

As you might expect, all this is situated in the middle of the woods.

No angry neighbors.

No traffic.

No billboards.

Just good people, and trees, and some dogs (and chickens and a horse).

My health hasn’t been this good since the last time I went camping. Nearly the same latitude, also in the trees.

If I’m serious about giving my body the right environment that it needs to heal, that goes beyond just the foods that I eat and the job that I do. Perhaps that also means my actual physical location.

I’ve started a search for a place where I actually want to be, and I think that will contribute to a positive trajectory in my life.

I think PLACE matters more than we want to think.

The ideal place to make money is the city (usually), but it’s not the ideal place for healing.

In the 19th century, they would send you away on a long vacation if you got sick–to the seaside, usually. Now, you just put your head down and work harder.

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