Batfort

Style reveals substance

Author: childlike empress (page 24 of 67)

Shifting Priorities

Things are afoot. (But you knew that.)

Funny things start happening when you start seeing results. For the first time in my life, I am motivated to go to bed early.

I am actually taking action to make sure that all my tasks are completed before they have to be.

This is almost as big of a deal as when I realized that what I ate actually had an impact on how I feel.

The healing is happening in my body, and I want it to continue.

This isn’t some shallow “want” like “I want those Gucci slides that I’ll do nothing to try to get.” This is the type of WANT that goes straight down to the bone.

The problem is working through all the little schedule adjustments and sacrifices to get there. Less time on Twitter, maybe. Cut out some YouTube. Make way.

Gotta have room in your life in order to grow.

This coincides with a breakthrough in my ability to make money for myself.

I don’t believe in coincidence. This is a great opportunity to turn my whole life upside down.

And for a while I’ll be productive in the style of a wobbly little lamb, but I trust myself to build out a new routine.

One centered around sleep and productivity and healing instead of self-gratification.

The church of academe

Peter Thiel calls it like he sees it (and he ain’t wrong):

“The analogy that I’ve used is that perhaps the universities today are as corrupt as the Catholic Church was 500 years ago,” Thiel said. “If you think about the eve of the Reformation when Martin Luther posted his 95 theses on the church doors, there were all these priests that did not do very much work in much the same way that college professors and administrators are today. You had to pay these indulgences the way that you have to pay runaway tuition today.”

One of the first long-term questions I had about my choice (or rather, “choice,” long story don’t ask) of employment in the higher ed sphere was the debt bubble. What I didn’t know then, but know full well now, is that it’s not just a debt bubble. It’s also an awareness bubble, and/or an effectiveness bubble.

This is even belied by the fact that many faculty and administrator refer to their life choices as “academe” completely unironically.

What is interesting about the church structure in academia, however, is how multi-layered it is. Each university is its own cathedral (so to speak), but within the university are multiple competing interests. Faculty and administration are constantly at each others’ throats. There’s a huge rift between the sciences and the humanities. And professors in each disciplines are often more loyal to their field than they are their institution. One college president likens these to “guilds.”

So you have reverence for the specific university, usually headed up by the alumni of that university with the support of the administration. Sometimes the faculty join in, but not always. These people often see the university as never doing wrong.

Faculty, meanwhile, have loyalties somewhere completely different and are more often concerned with raising their national research profile than anything for their specific university. If anything, they choose the university that they wish to work at based on their own fame and caliber of research.

But even within disciplines, you have schisms. Maybe some faculty are funded by certain types of grants, and maybe a subset of those are the referees for those grants. Or editors of a journal, or whatever.

Academia–especially the research colleges, teaching colleges are more straightforward–is this shifting miasma of priorities.

One of the reasons universities are in trouble is because faculty are often incentivized to care for themselves and their career–looking to the discipline for guidance–over being part of a team at a given university.

Blood Moon

Maybe I didn’t get to see the eclipse, but this photo is absolutely beautiful.

It’s not yet dark in my neck of the woods, and I don’t know if I’ll stay awake until full dark to see if the moon is bloody here.

I started taking shots of fish oil rich in omega-3 fatty acids this week. My body clearly craves it. Nothing I’ve ever eaten has helped my eczema, only hurt it, made it grow or itch. This week, my eczema has gotten better.

My body is bone tired. So tired that if I’m not careful, I will fall asleep writing this post. I’ve already slid down in my chair to rest my head on its back. I recognize this tired. It means that I’m healing, and not getting enough sleep.

That’s why I doubt I’ll be awake at full dark. It’s hot–almost too hot to sleep–but I need sleep more than anything.

I feel like this should be significant, that I’m healing-tired on the day of an eclipse, of a full moon, of a back-to-back double eclipse which I harnessed and turned into the completion of a proof-of-concept project. On a lark, I answered a request for a writer and will likely have a freelance gig starting next week.

All progress toward my goals.

Is it coincidence? No. I don’t believe in coincidence. Is it significant? I won’t know until the fulness of time unfurls itself. But that doesn’t mean the eclipses caused anything. I promised myself I would finish this project by July all the way back in January, when I actively distrusted astrology and believed in linear causality.

I have some good momentum now. Volunteering, side gigs (for money and with the hopes of money), a date that actually sounds promising, creative things happening. Even my workouts have become a habitual practice.

I am ready. But to be ready I must sleep.

I’ll leave you with a little tidbit:

If you want to be a #writer,

You must know this:

Beauty is INTOXICATING.

Drink it!
Fuck it!
Spread it!
Breathe it!
Gorge on it!

Even sorrow is beautiful!

And all the great writer were Drunks.

2NE1 Appreciation Post

2NE1 is dead, long live 2NE1.

This is one of my favorite videos from 2NE1. It’s a dance practice, so it’s not especially polished or produced. But the melody from “Come Back Home” is so haunting and the choreo flows so well with the song structure that I can’t help but to love it.

Looking back at 2NE1’s debut song, “Fire,” they debuted right out of the gate as a non-sexy girl group with attitude. It isn’t like they want to snuff out their femininity–because they don’t–but I appreciate how these girls don’t play the “cute” or “coy” or “sexy” roles that have built-in body language. They are not pre-packaged like Girls Generation or many of the girl groups in the current year.

If Twice is the girl group that I go back to for a “cheerleader in my pocket,” 2NE1 is the girl group I tap into when I need to skip past cheerleader to unleashing my inner badass. (Naturally 2NE1 gave us the girl anthem of the century.) Check out CL’s swagger in the dance practice above–she’s legit.

2NE1’s distinctive swagger always makes me wonder if they contributed to the rise of toxic feminism, when women try to imitate men to their own detriment. Masculine influence is definitely an issue–many of my influences are men–especially with ambitious or low-agreeability women because those traits are so rare in the female community.

But if you look at 2NE1’s members, the masculine swagger is balanced out by distinctively feminine traits. CL is elegant. Minzy has a maternal vibe. Bom is basically an anime girl. Dara is too delicate for the blunt edges of pop music. Bom and Dara would be completely out of place in a masculine song, except as the feminine foil, and they hold their own in “I am the Best.”

It’s definitely “too far” in terms of the overt message, but sometimes you need to go “too far” internally so that you get to “far enough” externally. Like negotiating with yourself–you set the anchor so far out that even if you get halfway, you’ve accomplished much more than you would have anyway.

2NE1 is no longer with us, but I’m glad that we had them for a little while.

Sometimes I get so frustrated with the laissez faire attitude of YG Entertainment, for not providing the structure and discipline of SM Ent to capitalize on the talent of their artists. You sign good people–let them sing!

 

Carnivore Eggs Benedict

Gordon Ramsay’s at it again. Not to imply that this is new, or that he ever stopped.

And no, he didn’t go full carnivore. (At least that I know of.)

What he did was make eggs benedict with crispy parma ham.

I myself would also like to make eggs benedict with crispy parma ham.

Or, since I don’t eat English muffins, drape the parma ham over the bottom of some muffin tins that I then stick in the oven to crisp up into little parma ham baskets. That way I can contain the goodness of hollandaise sauce and poached eggs inside the crispy parma ham.

Lemon juice is also off the table for me at the moment, so I’d probs just leave it out of the recipe and deal with a hella rich hollandaise sauce. *shrug* There are worse things.

(Super-citrusy hollandaise sauce is rly delicious, to be fair. Lemon juice positively sparkles up against high-quality butter.)

The fat content in this thing will be off the chain, but who doesn’t need a little fat in their life every now and again? Gotta have something in your back pocket for feast days.

Realistically speaking, all of this will be balanced over a ribeye.

Because it isn’t a carnivore recipe without some steak. 😉

No Eclipse Visible

After being close to the path of totality for the solar eclipse last year, I was excited to find out that there’s a lunar eclipse on Friday.

Not for those of us in North America, there’s not. Womp womp.

The solar eclipse was so cool (all those weird vibrations!) I was hoping to catch the lunar version, to watch the moon turn into a rusty mimic of Mars. But alas that is not to be. I’ll have to catch a digital version later, even though that’s not nearly so satisfying.

The movement of the planets has new significance to me. There’s a whole new world of forces in this world that I have always discounted and yet is very clearly real (see also: the sun and moon’s influence on the tides).

My simultaneous accomplishment and crisis last week occurred exactly midway between two eclipses. I finally realized what was going on this afternoon, and tonight, well:

If this is you [it is], you’re probably revved way the hell up into some sort of event horizon of your consciousness. It’s insanely lucid. The goal?  To channel this fresh and ingenious force into ambition realisation at Warp Speed.

Of all the things I’ve ever posted on this blog that barely make sense, this post is going to win. Because it barely makes sense to me, let alone to the point where I could articulate it in writing.

Funny things happen when you stop believing in coincidences.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth

When symbolism invades your life, your boss becomes a stand-in for the entire world.

To many, “meekness” suggests the idea of passivity, someone who is easily imposed upon, spinelessness, weakness. Since Jesus declared Himself to be meek (Matthew 11:29), some perceive Him as a sissy-type character.

Nothing could be further from the truth. In the Greek New Testament, “meek” is from the Greek term praus. It does not suggest weakness; rather, it denotes strength brought under control. The ancient Greeks employed the term to describe a wild horse tamed to the bridle.

In the biblical sense, therefore, being meek describes one who has channeled his strengths into the service of God.

I wish to be only meek before God. I am starting to feel the weight of a million petty human systems, of rules made by people who can’t think or see or even feel.

When I drive according to the rules of the road, I submit. When I pay my credit card bill in a manner that earns me airline miles, I submit. When I go to work and play by my boss’s rules, I submit.

It’s funny how when the biggest shackles in your life come off, you don’t feel more free. You can feel the cloying breath of everything else that’s trying to enslave you.

I’m out of debt. I’m no longer tethered to medical insurance via a high-powered medicine. I’m no longer “owned” so other things are seeking to own me.

I refuse. I want to serve the Living God and no one else.

And for now, that means submitting to petty systems.

Sometimes you just have to wait

About two weeks ago, I began propagating some succulents. For 10 days,  the fleshy little leaves just sat on the sprouting tray, inert.

I diligently sprayed them with water every morning and again at night, to keep them from drying out.

They did nothing.

At one point, I thought that somehow they were all dead.

Then one day the little buggers show up with some tiny little whiskers.

Not dead after all.

Sometimes other areas of my life feel that way too. Like I’m doing all this work for no results, no feedback, no nothing.

I just need to remember that sometimes there’s a germination period for things. Sometimes, you just have to wait.

Sometimes, the beginning is so small that you might miss it.

The Batfort Reader

Here’s an idea: instead of calling this posts “linkshame,” I’ll rebrand and share what has caught my attention long enough to want to capture. Positive and helping-focused instead of negative and self-focused.

Articles

» Signaling concern over industry funding, Congress presses for transparency at groups supporting NIH, CDC

» Another article on why Peer Review is Not Scientific

» The founder of Cut the Knot.org recently passed away, so I checked it out. Good way to learn math, if you want.

» You can now download printable zines of Catlin Johnson articles. I love this idea.

» A Brief Introduction to Meme TherapyIf the meme strike notes are good, looking at fifty will save you from reading half a dozen books. They might not equip you to defend or attack a position beyond that, but that isn’t the point. The point is either carving out a space for certain ideas to be heard, or closing off a space and booting certain ingroups or positions outside of the sphere of acceptable public discourse.
[Scott Adams would call this “directional truth” rather than “exact truth.” -eds.]

» I’m intrigued by SocialMatter. Gotta love a neoreactionary website with a dot net address.

» The Puritan Intellectual Tradition in America, Part 1: Nineteenth-Century Optimism and Utopian Idealism

» It’s interesting to read this after having been to NYC: The Death of New York City

» The Only 3 Things I Need in a Partner

» Putting a Funny Face on Crohn’s Disease

» Global Stocks Lost Over $10 Trillion In H1, Just Wait For The Second Half

» I dream of living in a community like this one day: The History of the Cotton District

» How to Reinvest your Money

» Lack of group-to-individual generalizability is a threat to human subjects research. This is a big deal, and a truth that you’ve probably encountered if you are an n=1 experimenter.

 

Books and Other Things to Buy (or Not)

 

 

Image of the week: last week’s news

I had a long day full of emotions, I’m tired, and this photo reminds me that there are still fighters in this world.

God bless America, and goodnight.

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