It’s been a while since we checked in on Melania’s style. The fashion media refuses to cover her, so somebody’s gotta do it. Enter yours truly, an amateur style blogger.

I like style. I’m not always the best practitioner of it (I loves me some sweats), but I’m more stylish than the average cubicle-dweller. I’m interested in how style sends a rhetorical message, and how outward style reflects inward personality.

Anyway. Melania. Style. Specifically, coats.

Melania usually deploys a good coat.

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This coat, however? I’m not so sure. The shape is okay, and the fur detail at the cuffs is FAMAZING, The bright pink is not her best color, and the nude pumps seem like an afterthought—like she didn’t know what other shoes to wear.

That said, her look is 10x more cohesive than the First Lady of Columbia’s, which is all over the place with blocky shapes that fight for visual attention.

Every time I see Melania in a traditionally “feminine” color like pink or light blue, I’m not convinced she’s presenting her best self.

Bold, on the other hand, is something she does well.

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I love this outfit on her. Clean lines, very little texture, and bold accessories. Of course, the drama of the lighting in this pic helps to frame the effect.

Moving on, we have my favorite version of Melania: Military-inspired Melania.

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Here, on board the USS George H.W. Bush, Melania pulls out the utilitarian accessories and aviator sunglasses. Leather gloves add a nice jolt of texture to this look without going tweedy like the pink coat above.

She looks, well, fierce. And not a bit out of place onboard.

I’m not convinced that the asymmetrical buttons on that coat are doing her any favors, but this is not the worst thing I’ve seen her wear. And the coat echoes traditional Navy uniforms, so it’s understandable.

As much as I love the idea of her wearing a beanie, this one is a little severe.

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Lady, no disrespect meant, but this is awful.

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Please never wear a high waist again. Especially not a high waist with a crewneck top.

Here’s what doesn’t work: there’s no space between the bottom of her bust and the top of her skirt, the start of her “bottom half.” This makes her look compressed, and squished vertically, when in reality her proportions are longer and leaner. Because there’s no breathing room around her bust (amplified by the white crew neck sweater which visual expands the area while also cutting off all visual exits), the proportions end up looking cartoonish. And not in a good way.

Stark red (or is it coral?) and stark white is tough to wear without looking like a candy cane. Melania rarely wears jewelry or a “mix” piece to tie together disparate colors like this, and in this case it would have been a good idea. Even a pale pink scarf would be a welcome addition, while still keeping in the palette.

The skirt is by Carolina Herrera, and is fairly cute on its own. I like the play on proportions in the lookbook, but that would have been an even worse styling decision than the one that Melania’s team made. Hourglass figures cannot handle trapeeze tops — those are for models and 12-year-olds.

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So as not to leave this post on a sour note, I do how she plays the “red and white” to the “blue” of the ties. Again with the tag-team color story.

I suppose now they’ll criticize her for wearing white.

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Just kidding — they won’t talk about this at all, because it wrecks the “Trump doesn’t care about Puerto Rico!” narrative.

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Killer shades — eliminating bugmen with a glance. Has there ever been such an intimidating-looking first lady? I feel like past FLOTUSes (FLOUTI?) have tried to make themselves relatable in some way or another. With Melania, I don’t get that vibe. Time for some research into past First Lady style.

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While the silhouette is great, not sure the color palette works on this one. The gold braid on the hat calls to the workboots, but the white “column of color,” green jacket, and dark hat feel discombobulated.

White doesn’t make sense for a work outfit, even if it’s just for show.

Even so, I like Action Barbie Melania better than Gala Barbie Melania.

Melania has recentlyish worn two black-and-white outfits, both very different.

First up, the “competent” outfit (seriously, this exact outfit is what you get when you search “competent woman).

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Gets the job done, is classic, the end. Not especially stylish or Melania-like (except for that subtle white stitching detail), but it works for this venue. She’s doing a job that’s focused on conversation, not on herself.

Nest up, the “fashion” outfit. The cropped, wide-leg pants (which you can’t see because I refuse to embed the images that Getty has which have her from a slightly below angle which makes her look awful) are very now, and the double-breasted yet tailored jacket is quite a striking look.

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She’s also doing her job here, but in this case the entire point of the job is a photo-op — to look at her.

Remember when I said that Melania looks better in harder-edged or military-inspired clothes?

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QED.

Dear Melania,

I realize that you’ve undergone quite a bit of scrutiny in the past few weeks for the clothes that you choose to wear. While I don’t know what it’s like to be that lambasted in the public spotlight, I imagine that there’s immense pressure to change.

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Given that your favored style falls somewhere in the category of “elegant former fashion model” rather than “sporty everywoman” or “uppercrust GOP” like other first ladies, it would be difficult picking out outfits that are suitable and appropriate for disaster situations.

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However, that doesn’t mean you have to dress like a 70-year-old lady. This temporary media storm is going to blow over no matter what you do. Making a u-turn into khaki pants, Chanel flats (ugh!), billowy shirts and 1970s cape dresses is not going to make the media love you.

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You still look pulled together, but you don’t really look like your normal self. Your normal style elements are there — a restricted color palette, tailoring, bold sunglasses — but there’s a restraint, almost a staleness around your choices. (Like that pale dusty green, so like a wallflower, which you are not.)

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Despite what the media says, it’s okay to be yourself. The people who voted your husband into office don’t mind the fact that you once posed for a photo in a fur and metal bikini and have a fondness for stiletto heels. We appreciate you for it, just like we appreciate your husband’s affinity for gold-plated everything

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Please continue being your elegant self. Disaster or no, the media will always find something to complain about.

This too shall pass. In the meantime, wear more stilettos.

Sincerely,

Trump Supporters

Let’s start this post off with a photo with great rhythm.

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Secondly, to all the people who claim that Melania is trolling the media by wearing stilettos on the plane to her second trip to Houston, she’s not. She wears stilettos quite often, actually. Continuing to wear them in the face of media outrage is just business as usual.

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This is a total aside, but I swear her superpower is walking on grass in stiletto heels. She does it so gracefully and never gets stuck — because I’m sure if she did, the photos would be all over the internet in seconds.

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That said, it’s a great khaki dress she’s wearing on this trip. I really like how military-inspired pieces look on her. Harder-edged clothes play well off her no-nonsense personality, maybe, in ways that softly elegant clothes don’t.

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Exhibit B for this observation, Melania dressing in work clothes for an event at which she’s going to — gasp — do work. Chambray shirt, olive khaki pants, Chuck Taylors. Maybe it’s the double-pocket detail on the blouse that works so well on her, but I really like both the khaki dress outfit and the chambray shirt outfit.

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On other occasions, like going to church, she dresses perfectly for the venue, all modest in pastel pinks and blues and floral shoes. The outfit is fine, but doesn’t inspire rapturous declarations of love and adoration.

Although I do love it when they dress all matchy.

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